You know, when I first moved back out here after college, I was in Montauk and I thought seeing deer was an amazing thing. I would look out the window of my house and see these beautiful creatures roam around on the land, and while driving on the road, if I saw a deer in the street, I thought it was amazing.
But then as time went on, I got over it.
I think that at least once every three months, I nearly crash into a deer because they can’t seem to figure out that cars are bigger than them and I’m convinced that they are committing suicide when they do it. All deer run when they spot a person, but when they see a car they think, “HEY, WOULDN’T IT BE FUN TO RUN IN FRONT OF THIS THING? LET’S GIVE IT A TRY!”
I pretty much hate deer. I know that hate is a strong word, but I really do hate them. I think that there should be better and more effective population control measures for them. I think the deer hunting season should be longer and I think that they should be served in our restaurants on the East End as often as our fish are.
About a week ago, a deer smashed into a plane that was landing at the East Hampton airport (seriously, how dumb can these animals be?) while the plane was landing. The pilot ended up being uninjured, but his plane was damaged pretty badly, and it leaked fuel all over the runway, and the FAA was called to investigate the accident.
Let me save some FAA man power the trouble and let them know what happened: A stupid deer ran out in front of the runway and it was impossible for the pilot to avoid it.
I don’t mean to sound too harsh, but all of you deer people out there who think nothing should be done and think that deer hunting is cruel are not living in reality. There are too many, they cause too much property damage and more effort should be done to control these animals. And if you read my work often, you know that there is nobody more protective of our environment and more caring about animals than me.
I think my favorite comedic routine on deer is a routine by Louis CK. It’s filled with a lot of bad language, so don’t click on this link if you don’t like to listen to crass stand up comedians.
And if you have a deer problem in your yard, you can call the The Deer Fence Co. at 631-627-4084, or you can visit www.TheDeerFence.com, I highly recommend this business.