Riders this week: 10,622
Rider miles this week: 91,713
DOWN IN THE TUBE
Basketball star Jason Kidd was seen on the Hampton Subway last Wednesday riding eastbound between Southampton and Water Mill where he has just bought a new home. He was carrying a big box containing new dishes and eating utensils and a smaller box with new bedroom linens. He apparently had been shopping in Hildreth’s.
NO NEWSLETTER IN DAN’S NEXT WEEK
Dan’s Papers has been kind enough to carry our newsletter in its entirety without editing in its weekly edition since the newsletter’s founding in 2009. Next week, because of the holiday, Dan’s Papers does not publish in order to give its staff some time off—it’s the only week in the year when they don’t publish—but that doesn’t mean we won’t have a newsletter. Several local competitors of Dan’s asked if we’d publish the newsletter with them, but all wanted hard cold cash so we refused. Dan’s does it for free “as a public service” as publisher Bob Edelman says. If you want to read next week’s newsletter you can pick it up at any token booth, where, also, you can get a subscription to it for $75 a year, but you just might as well read it in Dan’s for free every week, except for next week.
BILLIE JAMES, 11, WINS “COUNT THE CARS” CONTEST
Billie James, a girl from Calverton, New York, guessed the exact number of cars in the Hampton Subway system while standing atop Fort Hill in Montauk looking down to the subway yard there and writing the guess down on the paper we have next to the voting can up there. She will get to ride on Christmas Day in the front car with Motorman J. Alec Washington who will be dressed as Santa for the occasion. She won amongst 3,412 entries. We won’t tell you the exact number of cars so we can once again have this contest next year.
One of the four ferocious German Shepherds that patrol the inside of the border fence at our Montauk Subway yard escaped last week and at that time we did alert the Montauk community. We are happy to announce that Fluffy—for that is the one who escaped—was found Friday on Kirk Park Beach cavorting with a lovely miniature poodle named Vera. When approached by one of our guards, armed with a pistol, of course, Fluffy lay down, rolled over, then sat up, gave the guard his paw then got on his hind legs and twirled around doing a little dance. The guard got him in the net.
BEETHOVEN’S NINTH SYMPHONY
Thanks to a generous donation of $1 million by a local hedge fund manager who wishes to remain anonymous, the Southampton stop of the Hampton Subway System will be closed all day Christmas Day. The occasion? A performance of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony played at 3 p.m. that day by the combined firepower of the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra and the New York Metropolitan Opera under the baton of James Levine in an ultra-special performance. The musicians will be spending much of the morning and early afternoon setting up and tuning their instruments on the Southampton Platform. Joining them to sing the choruses will be the entire 200-member New York Chorale Society together with a contingent from West Point, who will be bringing an antique War of 1812 cannon they intend to fire during the most emotional parts.
The Berlin Philharmonic will be flown into Kennedy Airport by private jet and transported out to Southampton aboard five Hampton Ambassador Busses for the occasion. A special guest star—perhaps Madonna?—will be a featured vocalist.
This performance is being presented free of charge to the entire Hamptons community in celebration of Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa and the Muslim holiday of Ashura. For those straphangers who wish to get on or off at Southampton you can’t, so take other transportation.
MESSAGE FROM COMMISSIONER ASPINALL
There has been considerable confusion involving Hampton Subway and the Subway Restaurant chain, which has food services on all our platforms, along with more than 35,000 other food service locations and restaurants around the world.
Subway, the restaurant, has begun a special holiday promotion in their subway platform restaurants where if you spend more than $15, you get a coupon worth $2 for future purchases.
By coincidence, these coupons are exactly the size of the swipe cards used to get through the turnstiles and, also by coincidence, $2 is exactly the amount we charge for a ride on the system. For the last four days, nearly 300 people have been arrested on our platforms after trying to use the Subway coupons, a breach of the law which has resulted in a whole series of alarms going off, the activation of our local police force who come down onto the platforms to make the arrests, and the jamming of the turnstiles themselves when being swiped with these bogus coupons. Since Monday, nearly half of the turnstiles have been out of service because of this. Meanwhile, crime on the streets above the subway system has skyrocketed due to the lack of police presence on our local streets.
Please consider this a warning. Enjoy your Subway sandwich, get your coupon, then put it in your pocket and don’t try to use it to get on the Hampton Subway. Happy Holidays.