From a surprise in Southampton to what some are calling a Sag Harbor miracle, it was another busy week at the desk of the Hamptons Police Blotter. Be careful out there.
Last season’s rash of small dog thefts in The Springs has led officials to discover a disturbing trend in local sport fishing.
A scion of a Southampton family thought he was surprising his wife with a special gift when he burst into their kitchen wearing nothing but a small bow. Instead he found himself in the midst of his daughter’s Brownie troupe meeting. The police were called, but in the end, all agreed that it was just a “teaching moment.”
Maria Dellarobia of Noyac went into sudden labor while dropping her son off at his confirmation class at St. Andrew’s in Sag Harbor. Trained in the Bradley Method, Dellarobia calmly delivered a baby boy on a patch of dry leaves before help could arrive. Remarkably, this is the very spot where Stella Maris set up its crèche every Christmas season in years past. Mother and child are doing beatifically.
Chef Liam Q. Greene of Amagansett was acquitted of all charges in state superior court last week. The $40,000,000 lawsuit suit filed against him by a Hamptons wedding planner alleged that she became severely ill after consuming six pieces of a cake that Greene decorated with over a pound of gold leaves. SIX pieces!
LEFT HIS GUNS AT HOME
Shelter Island’s Old Man McGumbus is on vacation in California this week.
A recent meeting of the Wainscott CAC broke down into a shoving match. Lindsey Lohan is not a suspect.
CELLPHONE DRIVERS MUST PAY!
The controversial measure to quadruple fines for cellphone driving in East Hampton Town passed by a narrow margin. (One member called in his “nay” vote while boating in Aswan.) Safe driving advocate Marty X. Fiennes said, “We need this money to repair signs and fill potholes.”
Car break-ins continue in Sag Harbor. The most recent, on Howard Street, involved breaking a small, back window of a classic sports car. The only item reported stolen was an ice scraper.