Welcome back to our weekly Revenge recap, where we point out all the Hamptons inaccuracies and ridiculous plot twists of our favorite Sunday night soap! This week sees the return of a fan favorite and uh, lots of sex. So cover the kiddies’ eyes and read on for our recap of Revenge Season 3, Episode 18: “Blood.”
We open with young Aiden walking into a quaint shed and finding his dad, Trevor Warren Mathis, dead. Aiden wakes up in a cold sweat, looking fine in his tank top and boxer shorts. He recounts to Emily that his father committed suicide after he came under suspicion for the plane crash and his sister Colleen was kidnapped (I thought we were going to forget the Initiative ever happened?). He wants to try something to jog his memory some more… PLEASE let Emily waterboard him (see Episode 15, “Struggle”).
Grayson Manor. Victoria wakes up in ecstasy with Pascal. The maid knocks on the door and announces Conrad’s arrival. Pascal meets him downstairs and the two men exchange barbs.
Daniel apologizes to Charlotte for using her to turn Margaux against Jack. Charlotte says she doesn’t care — she’s still helping Jack move. Daniel reminds her about the closeness between Jack and Emily.
Meanwhile, Emily and Aidan have taken a quick trip…to England. Aiden and Emily, looking like a hard-boiled film noir detective and a femme fatale at a costume party, get out of a taxi onto the rainy street. They knock on the door of a modest, unlit house and an older woman opens the door. Aiden introduces his mother to Emily — his fiancée! So much for the waterboarding idea…
Montauk village — the pretty, restored part, apparently. Margaux and Stevie play with baby Carl when Jack arrives to announce he got the mortgage approval and they can move into the new house. Margaux is called away to work, so Jack tells Stevie he’s sore over Margaux taking Daniel’s bait about Emily at casino night, and Stevie notes that if a woman is upset about something like that, there’s usually some merit to it. So I guess we’re going to ignore her almost-relapse from last week?
Nolan and Javier argue over the contract for their joint business venture. Javier is resentful that he is only 30 percent partner, but Nolan explains to the rascally hacker that since he’s shouldering the financial burden, that’s how it has to be.
Voulez. Margaux is prepping a chiseled Asian model for a photo shoot when Pascal arrives. They have their umpteenth fight when Margaux demands to know why the hell Pascal is letting her brother take over the entire company. Pascal reams her out in all his sexist glory, saying that she’s compromising by being with Jack and acting as stepmother to his baby, but she assures him she can have a full life with a job and family, unlike Victoria, who’s probably sitting at home waiting for him…
…Or she’s at a prison visiting one Mason Treadwell! Vic tries to be polite, but Mason tells her prison’s not so bad and compares himself to other imprisoned greats, like Oscar Wilde (Ha!). Victoria presses him for info about Emily, but Mason refuses to give Queen Victoria anything unless she gets him out of prison.
Emily meets with Aiden’s mom. “You’re marrying a man with the heart of a 12-year-old boy,” she warns Em, who is heartbroken to learn that Aiden was the one who found Trevor dead in the garage. As Emily listens to Mrs. Mathis wax nostalgic, she realizes that Aiden never told his mother that his sister is dead.
Montauk. Margaux tells Daniel (who is sporting a sharp cardigan, I might add) that her “idiot” brother, Gideon, is taking over the company. Daniel tries to calm her down and subtly puts the moves on her. Jack witnesses a tender exchange and Daniel walks out, satisfied. When Jack expresses his discomfort to Margaux, she simply says, “I don’t like jealous men.” Now, I have liked Margaux all season, but she’s really starting to bother me — was she not just insanely jealous at the casino night?
Emily gets a call from our favorite incarcerated author who threatens to tell Victoria everything and then gives her 24 hours to give him a reason not to spill. “Tick tock goes the Clarke,” he sneers. Let’s hope he gets out of prison so he can drop lines like this every week. Ems calls Nolan and Jack and the three devise a plan to stop Mason. Charlotte interrupts to help with packing, but Jack brushes her off and she’s pissed.
Back at the manse, Daniel and Pascal have a little chat where Daniel — who is quickly becoming Iago (from Othello, guys, not Aladdin) — subtly tries to put doubts about Jack in Pascal’s head.
Stevie meets with Mason on Emily’s behalf. She offers him a nice package with money and sundries. Mason scoffs.
Aiden and Emily look at the shed, where she urges him to tell his mother about his sister. The conversation is cut short when Aiden finds a message on a desk he and his father were building: “Oscar Chapman.” Aiden doesn’t know who that is, but concludes that his father must have written it down prior to killing himself.
Victoria heads to the South Fork Inn, where she suggests Conrad is behind Mason’s incarceration. He truthfully tells her she’s wrong, and reminds his wifey that as long as Emily is Victoria’s enemy, he’s Emily’s ally. Victoria gets a call from the prison, telling her Stevie went to see Mason. “If she’s working for Emily… God help her,” Victoria hisses.
Aiden comes clean with his mother about not actually being engaged to Emily and gently tells her that Colleen didn’t run away, she was kidnapped and murdered. She is heartbroken but not too surprised. “I never let myself believe your father was a monster,” she cries. The two embrace.
The boathouse. Charlotte and Javier meet for some romance. They’re a couple now? Javier tells Charlotte he’s pissed at Nolan and that Nolan is only loyal to Emily. Charlotte says Javier should talk to Daniel…
Pascal admits to Margaux that he made several mistakes as a father and treats her coldly because of his regrets. She shows him a five-year plan for the company and the two make inroads. How, uh, poignant.
Aiden and Emily return to Southampton. He thanks her for supporting him and pulls her into a kiss. A borderline-soft core porn scene ensues.
At the prison, Mason rolls his eyes when Emily’s sundries arrive. He puts some of the included facial cream on…and goes into anaphylactic shock!
Victoria pays Stevie a visit and demands to know her angle on Mason. Stevie clams up and Victoria pulls out her secret weapon: a bottle of vodka. Stevie kicks her out, but Victoria tells Stevie that Mason was found dead in his jail cell! She leaves and Stevie eyes the bottle.
Margaux — who is fast becoming the most annoying person on the show — visits Daniel with some champagne to thank him for giving her the courage to stand up to her papa. They have a “moment,” but nothing happens.
Jack walks in on his mother, who has been drinking. Stevie apologizes, but Jack says he’s going to take her home to California. When Jack refuses to move to California with her, she says that he must be in love with Emily. Victoria, meanwhile, is having a fine night with Pascal, satisfied that she’s getting closer to finding out Emily’s secret. Pascal tells her he has a nice evening planned for her…and they have passionate sex.
A mysterious prison van drives along the highway. Suddenly, Mason (who’s in the backseat) wakes up! The car stops and NOLAN opens the door! Apparently the face cream that Mason applied had a special Takeda toxin that put him out long enough to look dead. Nolan gives him a new identity and free pass to wherever he’d like to go, and Mason complies. Nolan asks him about Oscar Chapman who we learn is a deceased journalist.
Emily and Aiden are basking in the afterglow when Nolan calls to drop a bombshell: Oscar Chapman may have faked his death and may have answers about Pascal and Trevor…
Closing Thoughts: Okay, I get that the show wants to showcase its talented cast and keep things interesting, but sacrificing character at the altar of plot twist is doing Revenge no favors. Margaux, in two episodes, has become the most selfish and bratty woman in the Hamptons. Javier, who was so fun in his first appearances, is now becoming a generic pawn in the greater Daniel vs. Emily scheme. And as for Stevie, the one new character who has been consistently compelling and likeable, is gone thanks to Victoria. I know that this is a soap and that characters do over-the-top things, but Victoria essentially yanking Stevie off the wagon is probably among the top five most openly evil things she’s ever done. Next week looks like a day at the races and the red pen is set to return, so hopefully we can get back to the kinder, gentler, crazy-ass show we all know and love.
Best Moment: Victoria and Mason’s meeting.
Worst Moment: NOBODY CARES ABOUT AIDEN’S FAMILY!
Question of the Week: What was the name Mason gave Emily when she went to visit him in jail last season?