They say all publicity is good publicity, so if you’re looking for fame in the Hamptons there is no quicker way to local notoriety than ending up on the East Hampton Idiot Spotter Facebook page.
1. Park Illegally
A sure way to end up on an idiot spotting page is parking like a complete dip. So parallel park against the direction of traffic, take up two parking spaces at the grocery store lot, or illegally park in a fire zone or handicapped parking space. You may not become a local celebrity, but your car sure will.
2. Fail at Beach Driving
So much idiot spotting has to do with cars, such as motorists trying to take a 2-wheel-drive sedan on the beach and getting stuck in the sand. But even drivers of 4×4 vehicles can suck at driving on sand. Earlier this year, Tonight Show host and Sagaponack resident Jimmy Fallon sheepishly admitted that he got his Range Rover stuck on the beach and had to be rescued by Hammer Towing. If you do get your vehicle stuck in the sand, don’t make Fallon’s mistake: calling 911. Call a towing company first.
3. Pass Out Drunk in Public
If you fall sleep on a sidewalk bench while bar hopping, and your friends just leave you there all night, find better friends. As a consolation, you can rest assured that someone will snap your photo and put it on Facebook.
4. Ride a Bicycle
You don’t actually have to do anything stupid or irresponsible. Just ride a bicycle in the bicycle lane with the flow of vehicular traffic—like you’re supposed to—and someone in a car or truck will take your photo and post it on Facebook with a snide comment. What did you do wrong? You rode a bicycle, jerk!
5. Hit a Low Bridge
The Hamptons has a few bridges with very low clearance, which people who rent moving trucks never realize until after they have plowed into a train trestle. When you see that 9′-9″ sign, just keep moving ahead if internet fame is your goal.
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