Hamptons Police Say People Must Pay for Post-Snow Mess

Hamptons Police Say People Must Pay for Post-Snow Mess

After the snow melted last week, many locals were shocked and horrified to find unprecedented amounts of trash and dog feces left behind after the thaw.

“It was all over my front lawn and in the street,” said one irate resident of Sag Harbor. “I guess when it snows, people just figure they can get away with littering.”

All over the Hamptons, concerned citizens contacted local sanitation officials to complain about the mess, and demand that something be done about it and that action be taken against the perpetrators. Numerous town hall meetings were overrun by surging crowds of people demanding answers, and police were called to maintain order.

Finally, on Thursday it was determined, in a joint decision of local boards across the Hamptons, that beyond the deployment of sanitation crews to clean up the mess, every citizen will be fined $350 to pay for the costs of cleanup. Under the agreement, the Hamptons Police are empowered to administer the collection of fines.

“There’s no other way to get this done,” said Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch. “Because we don’t know which specific people to blame, basically you’re all to blame. And this isn’t just a matter of aesthetics, but also hygiene.”

Hirsch explained that residents could expect an officer from the Hamptons Police to drop by their home to collect payment in the near future. “They will accept cash payment only, so make sure to have some folding money around the house just in case.”

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