Gaelic Football Incites Protest in East Hampton

Gaelic Football Incites Protest in East Hampton

A widely publicized exhibition match of a sport called Gaelic football drew large protests last weekend in East Hampton.

Hamptons Police were called to monitor the activities of the protestors and to make sure things didn’t get out of hand. The match, which took place at a local high school, was the first of its kind in the area, and there seemed to be some confusion among the protestors as to what precisely Gaelic football was. But as far as they were concerned, whatever Gaelic football was, they were against it.

“This is political correctness taken to the extreme,” said one protestor who asked to remain anonymous. “If they want to play Gaelic football, then they should go back to Tipperary. This is America—we play good old American football.”

Another protestor was similarly agitated and upset by the unfamiliar game’s deviations from standard American football. “Look at those guys out there,” he said derisively. “They don’t even tackle each other. Nobody’s getting hurt. What’s the matter—are they scared?”

Still other protestors seemed to have misread the signage, and were outraged about a game where participants would kick perfectly good garlic around a field. Many of the better-informed protestors pointed out that some local high schools don’t even have varsity football teams playing American football any more, and they were concerned that the introduction of Gaelic football could be the beginning of the infiltration of exotic Irish culture into their children’s schools.

“Next thing you know, the little ones will be coming home talking about leprechauns and shamrocks,” one protestor said in disgust.

Police managed to keep the peace between the athletes and the protestors, and the evening ended without any arrests.

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