Dip in Helicopter Complaints Leads to Alarming Discovery

Dip in Helicopter Complaints Leads to Alarming Discovery

Noting a dip in complaints about helicopter noise in the vicinity of local airports, officials last month ordered an investigation.

“Usually we get more complaints at this time of the year, so we were confused,” says Bruce Taub, who oversees the Complaints Department for local airports.

According to Taub, phone calls were placed to numerous households within a five-mile radius of the airports, to little avail. “Nobody picked up the phones, which we thought was weird.”

Officials were thus forced to send investigators to the homes in person. And that’s when things got even weirder, says Taub. “Our investigators knocked and knocked at the doors, and there was no response—even when there were people inside.”

Taub has concluded, from this evidence, that large swaths of residents of the South Fork have mysteriously gone deaf.

More investigations are to follow.

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