Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of August 10–16, 2017

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of August 10–16, 2017

Week of August 10–16, 2017
Riders this past week: 52,612
Rider miles this past week: 198,755

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson, looking nervously around while taking the subway from Bridgehampton to Sag Harbor on Tuesday morning, whipped out a Ding Dong and ate it in one gulp. Seen on Hamptons Subway traveling together from Georgica to Sagaponack late Saturday night were Kelly Ripa, Nicole Miller and Brooke Shields, and sitting across from them were Rachel Zoe, Donna Karan and Molly Simms. They all looked terrific and just glowed as they talked.

SUBWAY TO NEW AIRPORT?
The plan to build a subway spur from Bridgehampton to the new offshore airport may be in jeopardy. The $105 billion for the airport, on the planned artificial reef a mile out in the ocean, was approved by President Obama last year and may be beyond President Trump’s ability to rescind. But the money for the underwater tunnel between Bridgehampton and the airport has, for the moment, been put on hold. It might be possible to build just half the spur, the part going out to the airport, and leave the part going from the airport to Bridgehampton for later. The cutbacks are necessary for expanded military outlays.

RAIL OILER SUES
Hamptons Subway employee Amos McAlanfrank has filed a $2 million lawsuit against the Subway system for injuries suffered last February while oiling the rails. On McAlanfrank’s first anniversary as a subway employee, he was promoted from assistant sweeper to assistant rail oiler. A rail oiler heads out whenever a subway train, going around a sharp curve, sends screeching noises from the rails into the subway cars annoying the passengers. The rule is screech-by-day means oil-at-night. The oilers are out beginning at 1 a.m., just before the system closes for the night, with the sprizter cans and the rags, walking the tracks, looking for the little flags the motormen drop to indicate a place where oil is needed. Because the subway is still in service at that hour—management needs to know the screeching is gone—rail oilers need quick thinking and fast reflexes to make the nimble sideways hop necessary to get out of the way of an oncoming train. McAlanfrank slipped on the oil and fell while hopping and, though the train stopped before hitting him, he is suing for “pain and suffering” from the scare he got that night. Lawyers for management say the suit is without merit and that they will be defend it vigorously.

COAL!!
A seam of what has been determined to be pure coal has been discovered in a crack in the south tunnel wall between Southampton and Shinnecock. Management is ecstatic. The crack has been opened and at the present moment, digging has begun by unemployed professional miners from West Virginia. If it turns out this is a deep seam, a full-scale coal mine with coal cars and a narrow gauge railroad will be built and local residents will be asked to give the visiting coal miners their guest rooms whenever the town requests. That item is in every real estate deed in every real estate transaction today. People thought it was just a quaint joke, but it’s for real and this is a happy day for everyone. This means the Hamptons will not have to suffer economically for as long as the miners bring the stuff up. Of course, Hamptons Subway will do its part and build a curve around the mine.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
The Commissioner is currently in Charlottesville, West Virginia taking a flash course in Dogpatch County Courthouse about mine operations and we should hear from him soon.

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