Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of October 12­–18, 2017

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of October 12­–18, 2017

Week of October 12­–18, 2017
Riders this past week: 31,812
Rider miles this past week: 103,723

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Bob Balaban, the actor, was seen on the subway traveling from Georgica to Sagaponack last Thursday afternoon. Alec Baldwin joined him there and they went on to Bridgehampton. Both were wearing CELEBRITY necklaces announcing they were part of the Hamptons International Film Festival. Actress Annette Bening was seen traveling from Montauk to Hither Hills on Sunday afternoon also wearing a CELEBRITY pass.

ESCALATOR PROBLEMS
So much traffic went up and down the escalators at the East Hampton station over Columbus Day weekend that the escalators in both directions broke down. Commissioner Aspinall ordered them used as stairs, but still people complained about them. The stairs were back as escalators by Tuesday noon.

BROKEN WINDOW LAWSUIT SETTLED
A woman who was married in August settled a lawsuit with Hampton Subway this week. Her husband had given her a diamond ring at their wedding but, after the honeymoon, she wanted to see if he had given her a fake. Therefore, on the subway between Southampton and Water Mill on September 15, she sat by a window—these windows are sealed shut—and tried to see if the diamond would cut a hole in the glass. It did. She was so surprised that her ring fell out the window where a subway car wheel flattened it—but not before the woman scraped her knuckles on the subway tunnel walls while reaching down to try and get it. The $20 million lawsuit was for medical expenses, pain and suffering, failure to keep a window closed and general malfeasance for allowing a wheel to crush her ring even though she pulled the emergency cord with her good hand. Her husband stood by her through all this. The settlement was for $30,000. We also returned the crushed ring. The 3-karat diamond is in perfect condition.

KNEELING ON THE SUBWAY
Kneeling on the subway for any reason whatsoever is now forbidden and those caught kneeling get removed from the premises. We have already ejected two people who were kneeling, one in Hampton Bays and the other in Westhampton. Both claimed they were protesting the new kneeling ordinance.

NO NEW STOP AT MORICHES
A request by the people of Moriches to have Hampton Subway extend to that hamlet has been withdrawn. Moriches had hoped to change its name to More Rich Hampton, but its application to New York State was denied this past Monday. The application to Hampton Subway was withdrawn Tuesday. It’s a dark day in Moriches, or so they say.

FILM FESTIVAL ON HAMPTON SUBWAY RESULTS
Hampton Subway erected TV screens on the ceilings inside all the subway cars to show films that had applied for selection in the Hampton International Film Festival but had failed. A total of 136 such movies were shown one after the other on every subway car so if you got off one car and got on another, or traveled between the cars to get to another car, you wouldn’t miss anything. Coming through the turnstiles at all the stops, subway employees handed out little rating sheets wherein riders could say they either liked the film or not, giving it a rating of between one and ten. But nobody turned any of them in. Nobody seems to have paid any attention to these films.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Hampton Subway is planning special trains to take people to the North Pole over the holidays. Stay tuned for further news about this next week.

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