| Issue #30, October 20, 2006 |
The Sheltered Islander By Sally Flynn
By Marion Wolberg Weiss
The Sheltered Islander #421
It’s a Wonder They Don’t Shoot Us All...
Shelter Island has had many classic police blotter entries in its past. I recall from years past, a couple in their forties being arrested for making love on their front lawn in broad daylight. They were summer people, celebrating their anniversary, they said. Then there was lady who called the police because two roosters had gotten into her house and she couldn’t catch them. They were very aggressive and even the police had trouble catching them. I’ve always said, if the SI police ever wrote a book it would be an instant best seller, even if they had to move off island after publication. Obviously, Shelter Island is not alone in small-town wackiness. I stumbled across a hilarious web site: smalltownmisfit.com that records submissions from small town police blotters all over the country. Here are a few gems, edited for space:
The Union, Western Nevada County, CA
A caller reported at 10:42 p.m. that a black Labrador Retriever was walking down the street with a bottle of vodka and a vibrator around its neck.
The Utah Statesman, Logan, UT
An individual believes that her neighbor has taken her cat and is going to eat it. She would like an officer to come down and check all of her neighbor’s freezers.
Town Crier, Oct 6, 2006 Boerne, TX
A woman called the police and wanted to know if she could shoot squirrels in her yard.
Oct 7, 2006: A woman called the police to report seeing an elderly woman sitting in a lawn chair in her front yard with a shotgun in her lap. The elderly woman told the police she had called and gotten permission from the police to shoot squirrels.
The Union, Grass Valley, CA
At 3:55 a.m., a woman called to report people on her roof. One was wearing a plaid shirt and the other was wearing a bear suit. Deputies concluded what the woman saw was possibly the result of her medication.
The True Citizen, Waynesboro, GA
Police responded to a report that a 50-year-old man hit his 46-year-old sister with a dead raccoon at their home. The man told police he did throw the raccoon at his sister, but only after she hit him with her phone. Police noted the brother could not give a written statement at the time because he was intoxicated.
Cleveland.com, North Olmstead, OH
A man reported that his ex-wife had left her final $650 alimony payment to him in change in a five-gallon bucket. The ex-husband stated that he had no problem with the way the payment was made. However, there had been glue, red pepper and razor blades mixed in the bucket with the coins.
The Statesman, Logan, UT
An individual stated that he received a dirty diaper in the mail with no return address.
The St. Louis Post-Disptach, St. Peters, MO
A Missouri woman has been arrested for breaking into a dog breeder’s home and beating her repeatedly over the head with a dead Chihuahua.
The woman was upset because the puppy had died, police told the Post-Dispatch.
The Tahoe Bonanza, Lake Tahoe, NV
Residents of Fairview Boulevard reported a “strange person” was banging on their front door and trying to break in shortly after midnight. Deputies arrived on scene and found a truck with no license plates parked in the driveway and a flare burning in the street. The man outside the home told deputies he thought he knew the people inside and he had lit the flare to let his friends know where the party was.
The Weekday Newspaper, Palm Beach, FL
On Sunday morning, a male Castlewood resident reported that after drinking at a bar, he woke up on the side of the road with no shoes, no wallet and no car.
And the winner is....
The Ann Arbor News, Ann Arbor, MI
An Ann Arbor couple said they were inside their apartment discussing marriage just after midnight. The woman said she wasn’t sure if she was ready, her boyfriend responded that “taking risks is part of life”, police reports said. To prove his point, the boyfriend hopped out of the first-floor window and streaked naked across the street. But before he could cross back to the residence, he noticed a couple walking down the sidewalk, so he hid in the bushes to avoid them. The approaching man with his friend, noticed the bushes rustling and saw the feet underneath, so he pulled out his gun and ordered the naked man out, reports said. The naked man ran, and the chase was on. The man with the gun repeatedly ordered the naked man to the ground as he chased after him, threatening to shoot him, reports said. The gunman then fired off a round, and the naked man hit the ground, causing minor injuries to himself.
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