| Issue #31, October 27, 2006 |
Riverhead, Home Depot And Me
A Computer Zaps Me To Atlanta, Then Has Me Hoisting Plywood
By Phyllis Lombardi
This may be the last time I write a column for Dan’s Papers. Using another’s name and social security number, I’ve just applied for a job unloading lumber at Home Depot in Riverhead.
Those who know me may be thinking I’ve gone off that deep end. After all, I’m pre-World War II and weigh, with my shoes on, about 130 pounds. I do have some muscle power in my right arm – from leaf raking. But that’s it.
So why Home Depot? Why unloading lumber? And why another name? It’s a story that involves a Riverhead resident and a Cutchogue resident, but is probably not unusual in 21st century North Fork.
It began thus. The Riverhead resident is one of my offspring. His job is coming to an end because his employer is moving to Ulster County. (That’s another story – the exodus of young workers from our area.)
So my boy decided to apply for a job at Home Depot. He was well qualified and had spent many hours in that store, purchasing material for a construction business now heading to northerly Ulster. He liked what he saw in Home Depot and knew he could do a good job there.
Okay, North Forker, apply. “Only online” said the helpful Home Depot associate. Absolutely no paper applications. That was 20th century stuff. Online applications now go directly to Atlanta, Georgia, Home Depot’s corporate headquarters. If the application is judged suitable, then the local store is advised.
Therein rests the reason I could soon be hoisting sheets of plywood at Home Depot. Since my younger son has no computer, he asked me to check out the application, determining what information he needed (work history, references, and so on). Thus prepared, he would come to my Cutchogue home and fill out the application. Simple, right? Even for North Forkers.
I will tell you that I am indeed on the tail end of the computer craze. My first computer is only eight months old. I think I do pretty well on it though I resented the fact it took over my sewing room. But it had not taken over my life until now. Because of that computer, I may change careers, even after years of social security.
Here’s why – and this is crucial. In order to bring up the entire Home Depot application on the computer (pages and pages) I had to fill in certain minimum information as I went along. My son’s name, his social security number, age, for example. Even a password. I filled in a cutesy name I called him when he was a toddler. He wouldn’t want me to tell you what that is.
Anyway, I finally got to the end of the application. There were literally dozens of questions I did not answer. This was my son’s job, after all.
Do you know what happened when I got to the last page? This virtually incomplete application was automatically whisked southward to Atlanta. I’ve not been there but I hear it’s a great place. Though at that moment I wished it off the face of the earth.
What could I do? This application came from my home, my computer. I could not recall it. So I phoned Home Depot in Riverhead. The manager, after hearing my sad story, told me to call back the next morning and speak with someone in Human Resources. Funny – I felt both resource less and much less than human. I hung up the phone, shed a few tears, got a husband-hug, and then called my son to tell him I ruined his life.
Well, son didn’t think it was quite that bad. But then, he’s not a mother. My next call was to Georgia. John Nardelli, please. Mr. Nardelli is the Home Depot president but he wasn’t in his office. (It was after 5 p.m. and the guy was probably eating a peach somewhere.)
So I called my daughter in Virginia. She’s the computer person in our family. She gave me a few technical-terminology hints that might help when I go to meet with that Human Resources lady in Riverhead. “I want to get out of the system” is an example. I’ll let you know if it works.
But here’s the problem. Couldn’t some malicious soul or practical joker submit an application to Home Depot for anyone on the North Fork? Absolutely yes. So watch it. Your mother-in-law may end up as a Home Depot plumbing associate, your doctor may demonstrate saws. Your pharmacist may mix paint. Me? I’ll be toting that plywood.
 |
