| Issue #33, November 10, 2006 |
Police Blotter
Whoops!
A container full of concrete that was on the back of a truck got caught in between the Shelter Island Ferry and land on North Haven. The weight of the load forced the ferry back from the landing, and left the big truck hanging without traction. Workers scuffled back and forth along the South Ferry and after about three hours of working on the problem, they were able to haul the load free using heavy equipment. The ferry situation slowed down the traffic between Sag Harbor and Shelter Island – just your average traffic jam.
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Animal Planet
A woman feared that an animal was trapped in her closet and called police immediately after hearing sounds coming from a closet in her East Hampton home. Police came to the home to investigate the incident and to attempt to bring the animal out of the closet.
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Sag Harbor Trouble
Somebody threw eggs at a Sag Harbor man’s kitchen window and caused $1,500 worth of damage to his home. Luckily, he managed to whip up a decent plate of scrambled eggs.
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Lost His Cell Phone
A man in East Hampton called police to report that he had lost his cell phone. Police then asked him when the last time he saw his cell phone was. The man said that he believed it was in his car, but he could not find it when he searched for it. “I’m at the beach right now and I swear that it was in my car.” Police then asked the man what phone he was calling from to which he responded. “Never mind, I found my cell phone.”
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Halloween
Reports of eggs being thrown at homes, shaving cream being sprayed in the park, and many other kinds of tricks of this nature were reported in every single village and hamlet of the Hamptons, except one. The one area throughout the entire Hamptons that was not attacked by eggs or shaving cream was Shelter Island. This can only be explained by the fact that Shelter Island does not have any bad eggs.
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$8
Eight dollars was reported as being stolen from a government office in Southampton. Rest assured, the Town keeps track of its money.
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Thief
A grown, 34 year-old man was caught attempting to steal a package of M&M’s from a convenience store in Southampton. By the time the arrest was made, none of the chocolate had melted in his hand.
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Stolen House
A woman that lives on Bittersweet Avenue in Hampton Bays told police that somebody stole an inflatable, walk-through haunted house and skeleton from her front lawn. Nobody on the street gets scared anymore.
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Scuffle
A man on the North Fork struck another man in the face after he made fun of him for drinking a wine cooler. Apparently, on the North Fork, you either drink the real stuff, or you get the hell off the Fork.
–Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner
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