Wildlife
A group of cars in Sag Harbor were smashed outside of a wildlife refuge. When police were called, a handbag was reported stolen. Mother Nature has not been accused, however, there were some squirrels in the refuge that were seen wearing an unusual amount of jewelry and listening to iPods.

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Drunk Driver
A drunk driver was reported in East Hampton driving drunk after his license had been revoked for, you guessed it, drunk driving. He was arrested and his license was revoked again.

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Spray Painting Stoner
An 18-year-old man was arrested in Southampton after he was caught spray-painting a stop sign. When police arrested the man, they found a small amount of marijuana in his car. He was charged for criminal mischief and possession. Not surprisingly, he incorrectly spelled the word "war" as "wore." Those stoners are such bad spellers - and such great peacemakers.

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Grocery Thief
A woman was arrested for petit larceny after she was caught stealing nearly $50 worth of groceries from an East Quogue grocery store. Police arrested her and then gave her a hot meal.

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A Strange Break In
A man in Springs reported that somebody broke into his home and stole everything out of his bathroom. He later learned from his girlfriend that she was leaving him and that every product in the bathroom was hers.

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Fight Night
Two men were reported to have gotten into a fight in Hampton Bays after watching the Ultimate Fighting Championships on television. Apparently, one man said that he could beat the other guy in an ultimate fighting championship fight. When the two began to duke it out, both of them realized that this meant they were going to beat each other up.

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Puppy Patrol
A wonderful story was reported in Westhampton about a lost puppy last week. A 12-year-old girl received a puppy named Hampton for her birthday and noticed one day that the dog had gone missing. After a massive search involving flashlights, signs and a little elbow grease, Hampton was found snuggling with a neighbor's dog. Apparently, the two pooches became friendly when Hampton came to town.

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Argument
An argument broke out between two brothers over who was going to operate the remote control of a television set in Water Mill. One brother wanted to watch the television show, "The Daily Show" while the other wanted to watch a boxing match. The two brothers, who live together, got into a large argument and drew the attention of a neighbor. After a small scuffle, the brothers have agreed to purchase TiVo, so fights like this don't happen in the future.

-Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner