The Sheltered Islander By Sally Flynn

The Sheltered Islander #446

The Reel Signs of Spring

A lot of articles are being written right now about the signs of spring. They talk about prepping gardens, cleaning out closets, dieting for summer swimsuit season. I’m sure these are all signs of spring elsewhere, but not here on the Island.

Only recently have I begun to see and hear the real signs of spring:

1. Men cleaning and conditioning boat trailers in their driveways.

“Mary, you know, I think this trailer could hold a bigger boat.”

“We need a new roof, Roger.”

“With a bigger cabin, we could sail to Newport.”

“And Billy needs braces.”

“They have a new Super Mall Outlet center now, Mary.”

“I’ll get a new pot for the leak. And why should we straighten teeth in a mouth that sasses us all the time anyway?”

“Now, you’re talkin!”

2. Boat cushions being hosed and cleaned by women in the front yard.

“Well you better clean the seats, George. I’m not putting clean cushions on dirty seats!”

3. Shed doors opened, lawn mowers to one side, pool supplies coming out.

“Are these chemicals still good from last year? I’d hate to use them and then have them turn your mother’s hair green again.”

4. Clam rakes leaning against the sides of the house.

“Why can’t you clam today?”

“The water’s still 40 degrees, Sally. I’ll freeze my gonads off!”

“Oh c’mon, toughen up, will ya?”

5. Fights can be heard as you drive by:

“I don’t care if she’s your sister. If she brings that moron husband on my boat again, they’re both going over the side! I tell him to put the beer over the side to keep it cool and he just drops a whole six-pack over! The net bag was by his feet, Judy! If he couldn’t figure out to put the beer in the bag and loop the rope over the cleat before throwing it over, he’s a moron! I am declaring my boat to be a moron-free zone this year!”

6. Risks are being taken.

“Bob? Are you sure you shot that big doe last season? If I plant new hydrangea, I don’t want to see her coming through and eating the buds! If I see that doe, Bob, I’m coming after YOU!”

“Honey, trust me, I got her. We’ve still got half of her in the freezer.”

“Well, I hope for your sake she’s still dead.”

7. Trucks are being summerized.

“Wouldn’t you rather put on a real replacement tailgate, Joe? We can afford it. You don’t have to make one out of plywood.”

“I know, but then I can’t spray paint, “Yes, I have a @$#%ing permit” on the back.”

8. The single most ubiquitous summer necessity, the cooler, is being bought with remarkable consumer savvy.

“Okay Gene, pay attention. Now this cooler has one side for hot and one side for cold. But this one has a beer launcher on the top. This one has a bait keeper. They all come with the optional bungee ankle leash.”

“What’s that?”

“If you and the cooler go overboard together for any reason, the cooler, which floats, is attached to you, like a surfboard, so you don’t lose the beer and sandwiches.”