Police Blotter

It’s Naked Time

A man in Southampton was arrested for being naked on the beach. Apparently, the man had gone for a long run on the beach in the middle of the day and wanted to go for a dip, but didn’t have a bathing suit because he was jogging in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. He decided to jump into the water in his birthday suit. After being arrested, the man was so invigorated by jumping into the sea naked that he was quoted saying, “It was worth it,” to police.

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Hanging Out In A House

Three teenagers were arrested after they were caught by police hanging out at a house in Sag Harbor that did not belong to them. They were inside of the home because they knew that the person who owns the home was not going to be there until the weekend. After the arrest, police gave the teenagers another place to hang out and even a game, which was, how to not resist arrest.

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BB Gun To A Bus

A school bus was the subject of BB gun fire last week, which struck the bus while it was stopped at an intersection in Springs. The damage to the bus was worth $300. Apparently, the person who pulled the trigger couldn’t stand watching the wheels on the bus go round and round.

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That’s Just Not Worth It

A man in Montauk reported that a change jar with nearly $400 worth of change was stolen from his house. The man was gravely disappointed, as he was getting pretty close to having enough coins to fill his swimming pool with change and then swim around in the money.

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Gas Desperation

A woman in East Hampton reported that her credit card was stolen in East Hampton, and within half an hour somebody had used it to fill up their car with over $70 worth of gasoline. I don’t know which is more shocking, the fact that a credit card was stolen or the fact that it costs $70 to fill up a car these days.

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Dog Walk Gone Wrong

A woman in Sagaponack took her dog for a walk on the beach but left her car unlocked when they went for the walk. When she returned, she discovered that her shoulder bag had been stolen and called police. The woman was really unhappy about the incident, but a couple of licks to her face from the pooch lifted her spirits.

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Whoops

A man in Southampton was arrested after he was pulled over for driving 15 mph in a 40 mph speed zone. The man was obviously smoking marijuana when he was pulled over, since when the police officer got to his car, a large waft of smoke came out of the vehicle. When the officer got to the man’s windshield, he was seen spraying himself with deodorant and drinking mouthwash. Police didn’t need anymore evidence than the four-foot bong that was found in plain view sitting right next to the man. They arrested him for possession of a controlled substance and for being an idiot.

– Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner