Moonhampton: Newt Gingrich’s Plan to Colonize the Moon

The always reasonable Newt Gingrich told voters in Florida last night that if he were elected President of the United States, he would colonize the moon and make it a U.S. State by the year 2020.

Yahoo News reported on his comments this morning: “It’s the second great launch of the adventure John F. Kennedy started,” said Gingrich. Gingrich opened up the possibility of the moon becoming the 51st state, something he believes could happen once a permanent settlement reaches a population of 13,000 Americans. While a 1967 United Nations document says that no one country can claim sovereignty over the moon, the U.S., Russia, and China failed to sign a more recent U.N. treaty to settle the question of who owns the moon.

The bold move hopes to boost the former speaker’s presidential campaign in the Sunshine State, where space exploration remains a big industry. Florida will hold its GOP presidential primary vote on Tuesday, January 31. Polls show the race is close.

Unfortunately, Newt, I already thought of this when I was kid and have been planning it ever since, so you don’t get to have credit. We are going to call it Moonhampton and I’m going to be the Mayor, and that is just the way it is.

So the next time you get any bright ideas, Newt, like commissioning the U.S. government to finance the construction of a star ship and giving me the rank of Captain Jean Luc Rattiner and then flying at Warp 9 while battling the Borg… Or maybe you think the United States should finance the construction of a space station the size of the moon and name it the Death Star… Or an even better idea—travel to the moon and dig around for moon oil! After all, the U.S. can afford these kinds of expenses. We have a printing press! What could go wrong?

But a 51st state? No. It’s going to be called Moonhampton. And that’s final. And if you get a parking ticket there while hanging out at the Gravityfree Beach, the cost to pay the fine will be $17 billion dollars, which is about $20 in today’s dollars if you keep proposing that the U.S. keeps “Spending our way into prosperity.”

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