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Happy Holidays: Change Your Name!

This holiday season I have decided to give a gift to those readers living in Southampton—the gift of life. What would you say if I told you that Mr. Sneiv could increase the life expectancy of those persons living in Southampton? Oh ye of little faith.

It seems that there is a correlation between a person’s name and their life expectancy. This information is routinely assembled for many cities and municipalities and Southampton is no exception.

This type of information is important for several reasons. It can serve as a notice to some people that they should be more diligent about their wellbeing. Others will know when the time is right to update their last will and testament. Lastly, is important for parents in naming their children.

According to statistics compiled over the last 70 years, if you live in Southampton and your first name is Charles, you are in pretty good shape. They have reported 64 deceased people on record from Southampton who have been named Charles. They lived an average of 77.8 years. On the other hand, if your name is Robert you should be concerned. Fifty-six Roberts have been recorded as deceased and they only lived an average of 72.9 years. That is significantly less than those named Charles.

John is a very common name and as such, 146 of them on record have passed. They lived an average of 75.5 years. Those named James, 66 in all, averaged 76.4 years. Seventy-seven Josephs just barely edged out the Jameses at 77.6 years. Williams, 112 of them, were recorded at 75.1 years. Last but not least there were 67 Georges and they lived an average of 76.3 years.

If you are a woman living in Southampton and named Helen…congratulations. Of the 89 reported Helens of Southampton who have come before you, they lived an average of 81.1 years. Marys should be happy too, because the 102 of them that have passed lived to 80.7 years. Margarets should not be worried either, as the 59 previous residents with that name lived to be 80.1 years. I could go on with the women’s names but I will save literary space by saying that woman typically outlive men, no matter what the name.

Last names have been tracked and recorded as well. If you are a male or female and have the last name of Edwards, you will be happy to know that the other 14 people who have passed in Southampton with the same name lived to an average 80.9 years. The 24 people named White carried on for an average of 80.7 years. However, if your last name is Smith, those 50 souls only lived to be an average of 75.3 years. One Southampton last name, and 17 of them have passed, only lived an average of 65.5 years. I am hesitant to reveal this last name, but it is identified in the website I reference at the end of this article.

The good news is that if you are over 39 years old and are still alive while reading this article, no matter what your name is, you can be happy you live in this century. That is because, according to EH.NET ENCYCLOPEDIA, the life expectancy of someone born in the United States in 1850 was only 38.3 years.

Sure we live in an age of advanced medical technology, but as a hedge against premature death I suggest the majority of men living in Southampton legally change their name to Charles and the women to Helen. For good measure, they may also consider changing the last name to Edwards. There is really very little downside to this, other than the fact that many Southampton mail carriers might suffer nervous breakdowns as a result of the confusion.

So this is my holiday gift to those living in Southampton. You are welcome!

This and more Southampton info. is available at www.city-data.com/city/Southampton-New-York.html. Their people indicated the information referenced herein was derived from that which was reported from the period spanning the years 1940 to 2010.

What name or “handle” do you think will allow you you live long and prosper in the Hamptons? Do you think Sneiv will live longer because his first name is Mister? Tell us today at danshamptons.com.

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