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The Hamptons Brown Toilet Bowl Challenge Has Officially Ended: The Toilet Is On Its Way.

Remember the Hamptons Brown Toilet Bowl Challenge a few days ago? Well, the challenge is over, and the new throne is on its way to Southampton as we speak.

After I wrote the article about my frustration with trying to find a brown toilet bowl for sale, I received an insane amount of feedback. People were sending me E-Bay links, links to the Kohler website, links to companies in China, and all of them were the wrong toilet. I needed a brown toilet, two piece, in good condition.

But thanks to an unnamed hero at Merrill Lynch in Southampton—who won the challenge and directed me to a company in Virginia called Caravitis—I was able to get on the horn and order an absolutely beautiful brown toilet (pictured above) in working condition. Ben Kastelberg, the salesman at Caravitis in Richmond, Virginia put the entire order together.

To be honest, I didn’t think it could be done. I’m seriously considering throwing a toilet party. But I’m going to get through the holidays and New Year’s before I do that.

Maybe the Hamptons Toilet Challenge Party will become a Hamptons tradition? We could have a big white tent set up outside of the Parrish Art Museum, bring in toilets from all over the world, everybody could check them out, sit on them, while enjoying cocktails, a few hors d’oeuvres and the latest in toilet technology. We could have awards, a celebrity guest speaker like a relative of Thomas Crapper or maybe Jason Alexander—the whole nine yards.

If you think about it, all of us today are connected in the modern world, spiritually, through the existence of the one invention that we’ve all been trained to use as a child and will continue to use until the day we die.

The toilet.

God Bless America.

Merry Christmas.

Happy belated Chanukah.

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