A Bad Rap on Two Coasts

The East Coast–West Coast hip-hop rivalry was a feud in the 1990s between artists and fans of the East Coast hip-hop and West Coast hip-hop scenes in the United States. It manifested itself in a way that ended up in the deaths of East Coast–based rapper The Notorious B.I.G. and West Coast–based rapper Tupac Shakur.

Why do I bring this up so many years after the fact? Well, now there seems to be a new rivalry starting as to which place is better to live—The Hamptons or Hollywood? I am aware of this fact and I may be responsible for fueling the fire. Last week I was fulfilling one of my literary responsibilities and it took me to the place I refer to as “Hollyweird”

While dining at a breakfast joint, that in no way even starts to compare with the Hampton Coffee Company, my friend started talking up the attributes of Hollywood and how I should move there to be “closer to the action.”

That is when the feud began.

“The Hamptons is home and it exceeds anything Tinseltown has to offer” I sternly remarked.

“Bull crap” was his response.

Without even having to give it any thought, I was able to start offering comparisons;

• In the Hamptons we’re comfortable in our own skin. When we do dress up, it’s for ourselves or to pay respect at an important event, such as a fundraiser for charity. It is not to make it on the front page of a gossip magazine.

• We wouldn’t trade all the Kardashians for Alec Baldwin.

• In less time than it takes to watch a Hollywood B movie, we can be in New York—the most important and influential city in the world.

• In California they create movie sets to imitate the surroundings that we actually see everyday, such as the ocean and beach, the quaint shops around the corner, unique fishing villages and spectacular sunsets.

• Our celebrities don’t need security! They can go out to dinner or walk the sidewalks because their privacy is respected.

Napa Valley is 400 miles from Hollywood. The Hamptons is located in the middle of wine country.

Spielberg has a vacation house here and not the other way around.

• We don’t need a 350-foot long and 45-foot high sign on the hillside to help us find our way home.

To be fair, I did mention a few things that Hollywood has that the Hamptons does not, such as smog, high crime rates and long lines.

With this said, my friend excused himself from the table to go to the restroom. He did not return and left me to pay the outrageous check.

Thirty minutes later I received a text message that stated the following: “Sneiv—You think the Hamptons is better than Hollywood? The rivalry is back on. Tell your people to watch their backs.”

In the interest of bringing peace to what might get ugly, I contemplated sending an apology to my friend. But I just can’t bring myself to lie. The Hamptons is better than Hollywood—-so let’s get ready to rumble.


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