The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of April 25–May 1, 2014

Week of April 25–May 1, 2014
Riders this past week: 9,412
Rider miles this past week: 98,910

DOWN IN THE TUBE
A whole gaggle of Kardashians fluttered into one of the subway cars of a train going from the East Hampton to the Wainscott station last Tuesday morning. They took up the whole car. Christopher Walken, not smiling as always, sat behind the motorman’s booth in the front car going from Westhampton Beach to Quiogue last Friday. Terrie Sultan, Executive Director of the Parrish Art Museum in Water Mill, was seen struggling with a giant painting, trying to wedge it through the door of a car at the Southampton station. She succeeded and was off in the direction of Hampton Bays. Nick Monte of Gurney’s Inn was seen on the subway headed from Napeague to Amagansett last Thursday.

SUBWAY PROTESTS
About 100 protesters carrying signs saying the Hamptons Subway should be closed up and filled in walked back and forth in front of the stairs leading down to the East Hampton platform on Wednesday afternoon. The group holding the protest, The Good Earth, was led by Annie Fly, the head of that organization, which declares that anything dug into the ground causes great disturbance to the creatures living below. They have expressed surprise, fear and sadness over the loss of their hunting grounds. “Ants and bugs and worms are people too,” she told the crowd just before the police broke it all up and arrested everybody. “Imagine having a boring machine come tearing down YOUR house one day.” She was particularly incensed, as were others in the group, at the subway’s plans to build a spur from Hampton Bays to Flanders. “Enuf is Enuf,” one sign read.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARL
Carl Overstretch, second in command of the Hamptons Security Department, turns 54 on Friday, and everyone is welcome to celebrate with him at the company cafeteria in Hampton Bays at 3 p.m. Overstretch makes use of a tax loophole he found that results in the government sending money to him every April 15. No presents, please.

WALKING THE TRACKS
The public is invited to “Walk the Tracks” next Tuesday night at 2 a.m. after the system shuts down for what is usually the all-night maintenance that happens every night. But there’s no maintenance on this night, just as there was none last Tuesday night. This Tuesday is the birthday of our illustrious founder, who built Hamptons Subway underground in 1931 and left it for us to find and open in 2008. It’s a long story. Last Tuesday there also was no maintenance because that was the birthday of Ivan Kratz’s wife Gladys. At that time, all the employees of Hamptons Subway “walked the tracks,” looking for trash and treasures and, for the most part, took away lots of treasures—wedding rings, gloves, fancy eyeglasses and the like. So here it is the following week and the general public gets the dregs. But you never know. In any case, we expect the tracks to be spotless when we open on Wednesday morning.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S REPORT
As you may have heard last week, the Subway Restaurant chain is considering pulling out of Hamptons Subway beginning on May 31 when their contract to sell food at their kiosks to the crowds of people who come across the platforms ends. That they won’t say they are leaving or staying is a problem because people have gotten so used to stopping at Subway for a snack and sandwich or whatever, there could be a big problem if they go. We’ve been talking to 7-Eleven, meanwhile.

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