Pre Show Buzz
Last week’s big news: Prince Farming and Whitney already broke up.
Raise your hand if you didn’t see that coming. Anyone?
Big clue: On the premiere of Dancing with the Stars, the camera embraces Whitney every time Chris Soules is up to dance. Gradually Whitney gets less camera time until the end of the season when she is nowhere in sight.
My advice for Kaitlyn: When you choose the last man standing, run away with him. Do not look back—do not get enticed by the DWTS producers. You don’t need those months of pressure trying to learn new dance moves while your man sits on the sidelines twiddling his thumbs. Run off with him and get the party started.
Week 3: The Boot, the Rose & the Heal
Tonight picks up exactly where last week left off with Kupah’s meltdown. After all his shouting, he doesn’t want to leave. Kupah, you dug too deep a hole and now you’re just burying yourself with dirt. It doesn’t look pretty. Kaitlyn gave you the boot. Just get in the car and go.
The dust settles and it’s time for the rose ceremony.
Tony, the healer, laments that he stepped away from his bonsai tree for The Bachelorette. He sacrificed a lot to be here, don’t you agree?
Roses are distributed. Oh, no, Kaitlyn just called “Tony.” No! Send this guy back to his bonsai. You thought Kupah was a handful. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
Morning—gongs clang, waking the guys, who find two enormous sumo wrestlers towering over their beds. The guys prepare for a sumo lesson followed by wrestling matches.
JJ says, “I like sushi, so I should be fine with Sumo.” I shake my head—there’s not even a grain of sense in that remark, JJ.
It’s Tony’s turn to wrestle the giant. When he winds up flat on his back, his pride gets the best of him and he slinks off in a huff. Kaitlyn chases him down explaining that the wrestling was all in fun. Tony’s retort, “I don’t want to revert to primal instincts. I’d rather do something peaceful and loving. That’s the side of me I want to show you.” (Scroll down for the video clip)
It’s exhibition time. The guys have stripped down to a cloth covering their private parts however some of those parts make their appearance from beneath the cloth. A little too familiar so soon in the series, I think. Thanks for the pixelation, ABC.
JJ says, “Nothing like trying to impress a girl while dressed in a diaper.”
Back at Bachelor Mansion, Tony packs, thank you so much for doing the right thing. Now just get out! Poor Tony was born way too late. He would have loved the ‘60s. He’d make a great hippie lavishing in the peace and love generation.
That evening, Shawn takes Kaitlyn aside and allows his vulnerability to show as he says, “I never fall so hard so quick.”
Yes, Kaitlyn! Jimmy Kimmel and I said it on night one—this is your guy. Stop the show right now, send the others home and walk off into the sunset with Shawn. OK, the ABC producers would never let you do that, but game over, really.
Meantime, Clint is playing the strategy of Mr. Cool. He figures if he ignores Kaitlyn, she will be more interested in him. It’s easy to separate the men from the jerks this season. This one is a big jerk. He has to go.
Next is the one-on-one date. There’s a twist this time. Kaitlyn was told to go to the house not knowing which guy will be on this date. It turns out to be Ben Z. They are taken to a dark, warehouse where Chris Harrison is waiting for them. The rules are to step through a door that will lock and they must find the combination in 45 minutes to get out. The door opens and pigeons fly over them. Kaitlyn screams. It seems birds frighten her. OK, Kaitlyn, but they’re pigeons, not bats. Relax.
Inside this is a room right out of Amityville Horror, complete with dripping blood, pulsing bed, legs hanging from rafters. An adjoining room is filled with snakes that they must circle around to get the next clue. The code becomes clear “ROSES” and they are set free.
That evening, it’s hot tub time with Ben Z! Very sexy. Kaitlyn offers a rose to Ben Z. My take, Ben Z is a good guy. Keep him in the game a bit longer.
Next day, it’s the second group date. The guys get a card that reads, “Let’s learn to love.” Now that’s an enticing message.
Voiceover from one of the guys, “I learned everything about sex by looking at our cows.” Oh, no, not another Prince Farming in the midst.
The guys are taken to a school and are told they will teach the lesson provided in their locker. All the topics are on sex education. They are escorted to the classroom where they meet up with all elementary age kids. The guys are pretty awkward trying to explain lessons on the female anatomy, etc.—all except Ben H, who rises to the occasion. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable in the least as he talks to the kids. This impresses our bachelorette enough to have a romantic rooftop romp later with Ben H. Good for you, Ben H, you stepped up your game and impressed Kaitlyn. You can remain in the game a bit longer.
OK, back at the bachelor mansion, what’s really going on with JJ and Clint? They are awfully cozy curled up together on a sofa whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Close up on Clint who says, “I believe in the process and right now it’s working.” What? Well, I guess if the process is working for you and JJ then go with it, but be honest with Kaitlyn so you and JJ can go blissfully off together. Don’t waste Kaitlyn’s time.
“I’d like to see 4 or 5 guys get wacked tonight,” JJ says.
Yeah, I could easily send 4 or 5 of those guys packing. Clint and JJ are on the top of my list. Are you listening, Kaitlyn?
The third rose ceremony is about to begin.
Clint says, “I’m not really into Kaitlyn, but I have to stay here. I’ve connected with JJ more than Kaitlyn, so I need a rose tonight so I can stay.”
The other bachelors in the house have drawn lines against JJ and Clint. The guys know those two aren’t there for Kaitlyn and they aren’t being honest with her. At the next rose ceremony, if Kaitlyn keeps either one of them, then someone who is there for the right reason will have to leave. That doesn’t sit too well with the group, so they come forward and inform Kaitlyn.
She believes them, is off to confront Clint and toss his sorry ass out of there.
You go girl—do it!
(The Bachelorette producers are getting really good at these cliffhangers.)
The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 4 airs on ABC next Monday, June 8 at 8 p.m. Check DansPapers.com next Tuesday for our next Guilty Pleasure Recap.
Barbara Anne Kirshner is the author of Madison Weatherbee-The Different Dachshund. She is a regular contributor to DansPapers.com.