Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of June 12–18, 2015

By Dan Rattiner

5 minute 06/15/2015

Michael Jackson Hamptons Subway — Acting “Bad” on the Hamptons Subway, Photo: OSTILL, marchello74/iStock/Thinkstock

Week of June 12–18, 2015
Riders this past week: 21,812
Rider miles this past week: 187,812

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Billy Joel was seen on the platform of the Sag Harbor station last Wednesday at 3 p.m. waiting for someone to arrive. Madonna in riding gear was seen on the subway heading from Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton carrying a paper bag of groceries that said Schiavoni’s on the side. Plastic bags are banned in Bridgehampton.

TOO HOT, TOO COLD
Huge numbers of people rode the subway during the week of May 28 to June 4, a record for that week. Some said it was because it was too hot to be on the street. From June 5–11, another record was held compared to the prior year and people said it was too cold to be on the street.

FLAG DAY PROBLEM
Last Sunday, Hampton Subway celebrated Flag Day, and at 6 a.m., when the subway opened for the day, Hampton Subway staff draped two huge American flags under the ceiling lighting in the tunnels going eastbound and westbound from the Hampton Bays platform. The first trains coming through that station, one eastbound and one westbound, came at the same time and both caught the flags on the first subway car antennas to drag them down over the motormen’s windshields so the motormen couldn’t see. Both trains had to stop in the station at the same time. We regret the one-hour system-wide delay that followed. Not to worry. The flags were carefully folded into perfect triangles and stored.

MICHAEL JACKSON VIDEO
The Westhampton Beach station platform will be closed from 1–3 p.m. next Thursday for a film company re-enactment of the famous Michael Jackson “Bad” video by the new sensational Michael Jackson impersonator Jack Michaelson.

CONFLICT
Filming of the last episode of the TV series Revenge (DVD extras) took place at our Amagansett station last month after the system closed for the night. It was somebody getting off the train with a Dan’s Papers under his arm.

SLOWER ESCALATOR INSTALLED
Tomorrow at our busiest station, Southampton, a ribbon cutting for our brand new “extremely slow” up escalator will be held at 2 p.m. This escalator is adjacent to the regular up escalator, but goes only one-quarter the speed, for use by disabled people with both vertigo and claustrophobia who cannot use either the stairs, the regular escalator or elevator. A “down” very slow escalator will be ready next month. And at that time we expect those with these twin disabilities to be able to go both down and up, though they can’t go to other stations just yet.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
At the urging of a group of organic farmers, we have been experimenting with tomato juice as a fuel to power our trains, with the engines going back and forth at the Montauk Yards. As it proved successful, we sent our first train out onto the system yesterday with this new fuel, and the only complaints we’ve had is about the tomato smell. We’re working on the problem. The tomatoes we use are free range and grain-fed, grown and strained locally. We did try canned tomato juice, Del Monte and Mr. & Mrs. T, bought at an IGA, but neither worked. There is something very alive about the fresh organic stuff, which makes it explosive when pushed into engine cylinders next to spark plugs. I have contacted my counterpart at the New York Subway System and he is coming out to see how this is done. We are also scheduling a seminar with local firefighters and school lunch cashiers.