Police Blotter

Hamptons Airport Restrictions Cause Insomnia

Medical personnel report receiving hundreds of calls this past week from residents who were finding it difficult to sleep. Surprisingly, far from complaining about noise keeping them up, these tired callers were in agreement that their sleeplessness was due to their homes being “too quiet.

These people all live in the flight path of the airport,” explains Hamptons Sleep-Deprivation Officer Edwina Luft, “and they had become accustomed to the rumble and ‘choppita-choppita’ of planes and helicopters overhead lulling them to sleep. Now that the airport has been closed to takeoffs and landings at night, they can’t sleep.”

Luft recommends a combination of pills and alcohol as a miracle cure for airport restrictions insomnia.

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