Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Blotter: Pilots Defy Ugly Aircraft Rules

In the few weeks since rules barring ugly aircraft from landing at the local airport went into effect, officials noted that pilots of certain disgusting planes and hideous helicopters have been continuing to take off and land at the airport as if the rules didn’t exist.

“We have continued to have to watch these horrendously ugly aircraft defile our beautiful skies,” announced airport spokesman Peter Fluger, who noted that the offending aircrafts’ pilots have been fined for defying the new rules. “They’ve each been fined $3,000, and fines will increase for repeat offenses,” Fluger says.“They need to learn that the Hamptons is for beautiful people and beautiful things—not for their airborne monstrosities.”

Fluger became angry when a reporter asked him about the subjectivity of judging beauty. “Don’t give me your college-boy semantics crap—I know an ugly plane when I see one, and when I see one, someone’s going to pay for it.”

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