On Thursday, special agents of the Hamptons Police Financial Crimes Division moved in on an East Hampton estate and arrested eccentric local billionaire and bon vivant Derwood Hodgegrass. According to Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch, the arrest was the culmination of a six-month investigation into Hodgegrass’s manipulation of the East End wine market.
“There’s substantial and hard physical evidence that Hodgegrass was in the process of trying to corner the market on rosé wine produced on the East End of Long Island,” Hirsch said in an official statement. “We have proof that Hodgegrass made contact with figures in the wine distribution underworld—which, through cunning police work, we have infiltrated with our brave undercover officers—and had sought to broker agreements whereby he would become the exclusive owner of the entire 2016 rosé output of the East End,” he continued, adding, “From that position, Hodgegrass had allegedly planned to increase the price of this precious commodity by close to 300%, and the public would have had no choice but to pay his extortionate prices. Thanks to the hard work of Hamptons Police, we have today stopped Hodgegrass in his tracks.”
Through his lawyers, Hodgegrass did not deny that he had attempted to purchase the entire stock of 2016 East End rosé, but he denied any intention to engage in price gouging, claiming that his unprecedented investment in 2016 rosés was based solely on his “great love for these wines and the desire to share them with his friends and family.”
Luckily for those who have been looking forward to enjoying the 2016 rosés, it appears Hodgegrass had not gotten very far in his efforts to purchase the entire stock of 2016, and there should be plenty of rosé to go around this summer.