Police Blotter

Municipal Board Proposes Tasteful Wind Farm in East Hampton

With historic character added to turbines, the East End might just get our wind energy.

With tensions high over the installation of a proposed six-turbine wind farm in the waters some 30 miles off Montauk, Hamptons Municipal Board planners are considering a more tasteful solution, bound to make fishermen, environmentalists and local aesthetes happy. Instead of the contested, metal offshore turbines, the Board suggests erecting 15 wind turbines that look exactly like historic windmills on land, right here in East Hampton.

According to Hamptons Police Department spokesman Larry Hirsch, the former police impound yards in East Hampton’s Northwest Woods will no longer be necessary after construction of their five-story Napeague parking facility, and the Municipal Board says that property has enough room for their 15 “tasteful windmills,” appearing no different than the beloved historic windmills seen around the Hamptons.

Each historically designed, shingle-style windmill would look slightly different from any adjacent windmills, according to Municipal Board plans, though some designs may be repeated if they can be kept totally separate in the arrangement. Aside from a small maintenance hatch, none will offer interior spaces, like real 18th and 19th century windmills, but they will all share the historic character Hamptonites have come to love at mills such as the Corwith windmill in Water Mill or Hook Mill in East Hampton.

“This plan will take the turbines out of the water, keeping our fisherman happy while also continuing to bring renewable energy to the South Fork. And, to top it off, they’re going to be gorgeous—the most beautiful wind turbines the world has ever seen,” Hirsh says, speaking on behalf of the Municipal Board and his department. “Who in the Hamptons would deny more historic windmills? It’s a win for all involved.”

In order to move ahead with this plan, however, Hirsch says protests over the Hamptons Police parking and impound facility in Napeague’s wetlands must stop.

“We’ve been quite patient with the protestors who have blocked our work for more than two weeks now, but perhaps they’ll come around if they realize they’re now holding up the most significant green project in East End history,” he explains. “And for what? The parking facility is going to be a lovely building, and stopping these protests now will avoid the inevitable, most likely violent, and definitely unpleasant, conclusion to the whole thing.”

Upon hearing news that their protests could block such an important project for the local environment, several protestors have packed up and gone home, but the human chain remains locked, stopping further construction at the Napeague parking facility site. “We remain steadfast in our mission to stop this facility from being built,” one activist, who asked to be kept anonymous, says.

If everything moves forward as planned, the project will eventually come to a vote.

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