From The Paper
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Spooky Commercials: After the Time Out and a Toyota Ad Comes…What?
Me and my buddies here in Three Mile Harbor are watching the football playoffs on TV, and the Kansas City…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
TikTok: Fun App May Be Sending Info About You to China
Various branches of the U.S. military have ordered members to delete the TikTok app from their government-issued smartphones. Having it…
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Police Blotter
McGumbus Returns, Finds Underground Bunker Washed Out to Sea
In other news, infamous Shelter Island troublemaker Old Man McGumbus returned on Tuesday from what was surely a debauched journey…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of January 9–15, 2020
Week of January 9–15, 2019 Riders this past week: 41,922 Rider miles this past week: 111,119 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Unseasonably Warm Weather Causes Chaos in the Hamptons
The Hamptons Police Department reports that the unseasonably warm weather has led to a certain level of chaos since just…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
New Rules About Companion Dogs & Miniature Horses on Airplanes
My wife and I have flown to faraway places from time to time and on occasion have taken our small…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Four Hamptons Lighthouses: Montauk, Shinnecock, Cedar Point & Gardiners
When you think about the main attractions in the Hamptons, what likely comes to mind are the Montauk Lighthouse and…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of December 26–January 1, 2019
Week of December 26–January 1, 2019 Riders this past week: 38,411 Rider miles this past week: 109,524 DOWN IN THE…
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Police Blotter
Stranger Than Fiction: Top Five Hamptons Police Blotter Stories of 2019
Our weekly Hamptons Police Blotter has long been a favorite section for Dan’s Papers and DansPapers.com readers who devour a…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Dan’s Hamptons Predictions for 2020: What’s Coming in the New Year
Sometime in mid-June, scientists discover that the large quantities of red algae that clog the ponds and lakes in the…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Einstein Square: New Southold Park Mural Marks Genius’ Summer Here
Over the years, people who have changed the world have come to the East End. Andy Warhol was one. Marilyn…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Annie & Magic: A Christmas Fable to Read Aloud to Hamptons Children
Seven-year-old Annie couldn’t stand it anymore. She’d awakened at 4 a.m. thinking she’d heard Santa coming down the chimney into…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of December 19–25, 2019
Week of December 19–25, 2019 Riders this past week: 43,812 Rider miles this past week: 111,809 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Did Sag Harbor Perp Smash a Rotten Pumpkin or Priceless Fine Art?
Two Hamptons Police Department officers have found themselves in the middle of a fine art fight both say falls way…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Be a Santa: Listen to What the Child Wants & Repeat to Parents
I think at least once in every adult person’s life, they should put on the suit and in a public…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Internet Horror: Is Global Warming Caused by Massive Online Activity?
As this is written, about one third of America does not believe that global warming is caused by the burning…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Dune Road Breakthroughs Continue to Be a Problem
Attending a fundraiser for the Bridgehampton Child Care and Recreation Center at Topping Rose on Saturday night, I saw Southampton…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of December 12–18, 2019
Week of December 12–18, 2019 Riders this past week: 41,523 Rider miles this past week: 102,412 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Hamptons Police Will Arbitrate Your Yankee Swap Gift Exchange
In order to avoid the inevitable pre-Christmas crunch of calls to mediate Yankee Swap or White Elephant gift exchange disputes,…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Billionaire Fights to Make Public Road Near His Springs Property Go Away
David Buda is a retired attorney living in The Springs with his wife, a professional artist. He has taken on…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
More Winners: Dan Rattiner’s Non-Traditional Best of the Best Categories
This past week, the winners of the 2019 Dan’s Best of the Best, as chosen by you, the readers, were…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
View from the Sleigh: Santa Claus Comments on EH’s New Reindeer Costumes
This article should not be left around where children under the age of 6 can get ahold of it. For…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of December 4–10, 2019
Week of December 4–10, 2019 Riders this past week: 36,291 Rider miles this past week: 93,895 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Hamptons Police Department Earns Special Dan’s Best of the Best Award
The Hamptons Police Department was awarded special Dan’s Best of the Best 2019 “Vibranium” distinction in the South Fork Police…
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Police Blotter
Black Friday Battle Didn’t Happen for Hamptons Police
Following the Hampton Police Department’s call to action in the War on Black Friday last week, hundreds of curmudgeonly volunteers…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of November 28–December 4, 2019
Week of November 28–December 4, 2019 Riders this past week: 31,141 Rider miles this past week: 89,832 DOWN IN THE…
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Police Blotter
Bottomless Ocean Society Sinks to New Low – Requests HPD Submarine
Hamptons Police refused a request from Montauk’s chapter of the Bottomless Ocean Society (BOS)—a group that insists the ocean has…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Moby Duck: Herman Melville’s Followup Book in 19th Century Sag Harbor
Call me Ishmael. I am the best harpooner in this scruffy town of Sag Harbor. I wear a red bandanna…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Cellphone Weirdness: Messages, Notifications and Whooping Sounds
Do you get weird notifications on your cellphone? I do. Last week, I got a message reading, “RAIN ALERT. A…
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Police Blotter
Hamptons Police Department Remains Neutral in War on Christmas
The Hamptons Police Department released a statement this week clarifying, in no uncertain terms, that they will remain neutral in…
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