From The Paper
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Artists Beat Writers 10–8 and Bill Clinton Umpires First Inning
The Artists vs. Writers Softball Game was contested this past Saturday afternoon. This is an annual summer event, held on…
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Police Blotter
Solvent Lake Water Theft Solved in Southampton – It Wasn’t for Drinking
Hamptons Police busted Southampton entrepreneur Eddie “Biz” Literman for attempting to illegally bottle and sell contaminated local lake water. According…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of August 15–21, 2019
Week of August 15–21, 2019 Riders this past week: 53,972 Rider miles this past week: 168,988 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Hamptons Police Say Video Games Lead to Aberrant Behavior
The Hamptons Police Department announced this week that they will be closely monitoring video game usage among the citizenry. It…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Jupiter Catastrophe: Meteor Hit Is Seen from Earth, but Jupiter Didn’t Flinch
Something hit Jupiter, the solar system’s largest planet, last week. Nobody knows exactly what it was because Jupiter is so…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
The Shinnecock Monument: Hamptons Outrage Always Fades
The uproar about the 62-foot-tall billboard put up by the Shinnecock Indians on the Sunrise Highway has subsided. Nearby is…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Hamptons Tax: $5 a Day Tax on Motorists Is Rescinded for Now
As I am sure you know, the special Hampton Luxury Tax went into effect August 1. Every day, the license…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Local Boys: Two Long Island Players Now in Mets Pitching Rotation
Ever since Bridgehampton-born Carl Yastrzemski became a baseball star, won the Triple Crown and entered the Hall of Fame in…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of August 8–14, 2019
Week of August 8–14, 2019 Riders this past week: 48,813 Rider miles this past week: 182,822 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Hamptons Police Cold Case Squad Seeks ‘Virgil Is the Frog Boy’ Perp and Others
Thanks to a large, earmarked donation from elderly local socialite and philanthropist Mitsy Pattison-White, Hamptons Police Department detectives are digging…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Chalking Tires: Is an $80 Parking Ticket Headed to the U.S. Supreme Court?
I wrote a story about a month ago urging fancy New York lawyers to do pro bono work to help…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
The Captive: Illegal Helium Balloon Finds Its Way into Our East Hampton Living Room
For the last five days, we have had a lone helium balloon floating nine feet up in the center of…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Heatwave Weekend: Sharks, Yachts, Whales and Dan’s Taste of Summer
On Thursday, July 25, a bolt of lightning hit a crowd of beachgoers in Clearwater, Florida, injuring six and, with…
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60 Summers
The First Hamptons Subway Newsletter: November 4–11, 2007
Every week for the past decade, I’ve been running a column in the paper called “The Hamptons Subway Newsletter,” which…
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60 Summers
Classic Dan’s Papers Hoax: The Great Ecuadorian Eel, from Dec. 1999
This article originally ran in Dan’s Papers in December 1999. Peconic County Public Safety Commissioner Thomas Brody held a press…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Dan Remembers Writing ‘In the Hamptons’ While on Safari in Africa
My memoir In the Hamptons was published by Random House on May 6, 2008. It got a wonderful review in…
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60 Summers
How Artwork Came to Be on the Cover of Dan’s Papers
In 1985, Lee Krasner, the wife of Jackson Pollock, passed away, and in her will she asked that the home…
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Police Blotter
30 Years of Hamptons Police Blotter: Origins, Highlights & Wild Headlines
For more than three decades, Dan’s Papers readers have eagerly thumbed through each week’s issue to read the wild and…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Dan Rattiner Reflects on 60 Summers of Dan’s Papers
Yes, it’s true. Much to my surprise, I am 80 years old. Frankly, I don’t know how that happened. It’s…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of July 25–31, 2019
Week of July 25–31, 2019 Riders this past week: 53,822 Rider miles this past week: 153,710 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Old Man McGumbus and Florida Man Commandeer Yacht in Sag Harbor
The rumors are true. Hamptons Police Department personnel were on full alert this week after learning that infamous Shelter Island…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Blue Crabs: Hamptons Restaurant Named for a Delicacy Famous Elsewhere Doesn’t Last Long
Restaurants in the Hamptons come and go. We try the new ones. Everyone’s a food critic. It gets a thumbs…
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Police Blotter
Odd Animal Friendship Explains Flying Dog Mystery
Hamptons Police Department Fish & Game wardens have concluded that hysteria around a reported flying dog in Hampton Bays was…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Pivotal Moment: Things Changed When Steven Spielberg Bought a House in East Hampton
Steven Spielberg bought a home on West End Avenue in East Hampton in 1977, when the Hamptons was not yet…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Mooning: Thoughts on the Thoughts About Man Going to the Moon 50 Years Ago
This past week was exactly 50 years since the first American landed on the moon. There was a lot of…
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The Hamptons Subway
Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of July 18–24, 2019
Week of July 18–24, 2019 Riders this past week: 58.444 Rider miles this past week: 221,145 DOWN IN THE TUBE…
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Police Blotter
Did More Plover Hijinx Stop Beach Driving in Southampton?
The Hamptons Police Department is currently investigating the recent closure of Southampton Village’s only stretch of beach that allows four-wheel-drive…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Meigs Raid: Following Patriots’ Route to Attack the British in Sag Harbor
During the Revolution, there was only one military engagement between the patriots and the British Redcoats in the Hamptons. It…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Carp Attack: This Invasive Fish Has Been Found in Mill Pond in Water Mill
I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but work on a huge fish barrier costing $778 million will begin…
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Dan Rattiner's Stories
Long Fourth: The Five-Day July 4 Holiday & What We Did in the Hamptons
Having the Fourth of July fall on a Thursday was just the best. We could celebrate Wednesday, Thursday (the Fourth),…
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