East Hampton Tough Guy
A man was arrested last week in East Hampton after he smashed a beer bottle over the head of another man during an argument. The “Less Filling/Tastes Great” debate goes on.
A legitimately scary robbery took place in Riverhead this week, with masked men storming a local pharmacy with guns. But if you are looking for a tickle, read about Old Man McGumbus’s dog Bullet.
Copper piping was reported stolen from several homes in the Hamptons after a spree of copper thefts took place over several days last week.
Old Man McGumbus, 104 years old and former World War II carpet bomber, was arrested last week on Shelter Island after police noticed that he was being driven home from a local bar, The Banana Clam, by his beloved pet dog named Bullet.
Police were stunned when they spotted an English Mastiff wearing a baseball hat behind the wheel of a 1986 Buick Regal. When the Buick pulled over to the side of the road, they found McGumbus sleeping on the passenger side, apparently intoxicated.
He was placed in handcuffs but released at the station with specific instructions that Bullet was no longer allowed to drive.
Three men wearing masks robbed a pharmacy at gunpoint in Riverhead. One man was armed with a handgun and demanded cash as well as prescription drugs. The men then fled and are currently being sought by police.
The Lights Are Back On
The Long Island Power Authority (LIPA) has formally announced, as of this writing, that 95% of all power is back on post Hurricane Sandy. Full power to all of their customers is expected to back by the time you are reading this so, power-outage-related crimes are expected to drop accordingly.
Not Too Bright
A young man who was sleeping in his car on the side of the road in East Hampton was found to be intoxicated when police discovered him. When they asked for his ID, he gave them a fake one that said he was 22-years-old (which he isn’t) and that his last name is McLovin (it isn’t).
A dead deer was reported on the side of the road on the North Fork, but before authorities could have the deer removed a man was observed pulling off the antlers and driving away. Surely that is a crime, not to menton weird and disgusting.
And don’t call me Shirley.