Police Blotter, April 1, 2011


During the last week, not a single person was arrested for driving while intoxicated, driving without registration, or driving under the influence. This has never happened before on the East End…APRIL FOOLS!!!!!

Shelter Island

Numerous people were arrested for outrageous behavior on Shelter Island. This included hosting loud parties as the New York City club crowd flocked to the new Shelter Island hot spot, VFW Nightclub. Old Man McGumbus, 94 years old and former Vietnam Captain, was seen partying it up with a t-shirt that read, “I love hipsters.” APRIL FOOLS!!!!

Poor Horse

An anonymous call was made to police on the North Fork about a horse that appeared to be in distress. The horse appeared to be sick or injured, as it was lying down on the grass. A unit was sent out to investigate the incident.

Bad Man, Good Dog

A dog was running freely on school property at a playground in East Hampton. The owner of the dog was a man that did not pick up after the dog and did not have the dog on a leash, which is required by law. Police investigated, but couldn’t find the owner of the dog as he had left by the time they arrived.


A man was arrested for possessing marijuana in his car, after he was pulled over for driving 3 miles per hour in a 30 mile per hour zone in Southampton.

Dang Kids And Their Skateboards

Police investigated a broken fence in Montauk that appeared to have been pried open by skaters so that they could gain access to a skateboard park during off hours of operation. The fence is going to be repaired…and then probably broken again.

Lights Out

A man in Hampton Bays fainted while walking in a grocery store. The clerk at the grocery store said that he watched as the man stared at an attractive woman while he was shopping for melons and he collapsed onto the floor. The clerk woke the man up, who asked the clerk if anybody noticed him faint.

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