Ice-Thrower and Old Man McGumbus At It Again


A woman reported that ice was thrown at her in East Hampton while she was out at a bar. When she was struck by the ice, she identified the suspect, whose name happens to be Robert “Bobby” Drake, who was born in Fort Washington, Long Island. For all you Marvel superhero fans out there, you just laughed at that joke.

Bonnie and Clyde

A man and a woman were arrested in Hampton Bays and charged with robbing a woman outside of a restaurant in the middle of the night. Essentially, what happened was that the woman needed a taxi, but the pair told her that they would drive her instead, and then demanded money after they had given her a ride. As the old saying goes, WTF? [expand]

Shelter Island

Shelter Island resident Old Man McGumbus, 102, and former World War II hand-to-hand combat specialist, was arrested last week on Shelter Island after he deliberately set fire to an organic farmstand on Happy Ferry Road. McGumbus allegedly walked up to the farmstand with a can of gasoline, poured it on the fruits and vegetables, and lit a match. The fire was immediately put out and McGumbus was taken into custody. The fire was small and the farmstand was back up and running in a matter of hours. While in prison, McGumbus released a statement, “If the hippie menace in this country continues, then we will be doomed to be the same as the French.” McGumbus was released on his own recognizance.


A bicycle in Montauk was stolen and is estimated to be worth about $100. In a related incident, a bicycle in East Hampton was stolen and is estimated to be worth $6,000. Apparently, people in East Hampton take bike riding incredibly seriously. We’ve all seen them on the streets.


A fisherman in Montauk punched another fisherman directly in the face after an argument broke out over which lure was better to use to catch bass. It happens.


Three bags of groceries drew the attention of a few people because nobody seemed to pick them up. Police in East Hampton were called. They confiscated the groceries and put them in a refrigerator in case somebody claimed them.


In a happy bit of news, a lost pig was recently found on the North Fork. The pig had wandered off its owners property and was found about seven miles away, sleeping outside of a restaurant dumpster, happy as a pig in, oh never mind.


–David Lion Rattiner [/expand]

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