Dan Rattiner's Stories

Looking Ahead: It Would Be Much Better If We Had 3 Arms

Did you ever wonder why humans have not developed a third arm? I have. We’re a unique species. In a very short amount of time we have evolved into who we are today, and it could have continued on, but it didn’t. It just sort of stopped.

It’s an issue.

How often have you thought, while carrying groceries into your house, fumbling with a half-eaten muffin, two small children and your house keys, how wonderful it would be to have a third arm? I have.

There are lots of things we could do if we had a third arm. We could drive and text at the same time. We could give really good hugs. I have often wondered, while getting a professional massage, what it would be like if the masseuse had a third arm. If you were a football player you could throw a pass and stiff-arm an approaching lineman at the same time. You could cook dinner in half the time. I can think of a lot of things I could do if I had three arms instead of two. It’s a no-brainer that three is better than two. [expand]

With a third arm you would have a third hand, of course. And that would have many benefits too. Ever lose a glove? With three hands you’d always have that spare to get you through right in front of you. Of course it would have to be a left or right to match the one you lost. No sense losing a glove and all you’ve got is two lefts left. You’d have coats with three pockets. You’d be able to type on a computer really, really fast.

I think, getting back to the business about the three gloves, that you wouldn’t have what we now call a pair of gloves. They’d have another name for that and they would cost, of course, half again more.

Also being a righty or a lefty would have a whole new meaning. Your third arm would have to be either a left or a right with the thumb on one side or the other. So then you’d be a double-righty or a double-lefty, with one side outnumbering the other two to one.

Prizefighters, with two arms on one side and only one on the other, would have a clear advantage if they were southpaws or, what, uh, whatever.

Saying “hands up!” to a perpetrator would require greater vigilance. And lending a hand would have greater meaning but would be a bit easier to do.

You know that thing where they tell you to pat your stomach and rub the top of your head, then pat the top of your head and rub your stomach? You have to have a third thing in there. Grab your nose or something.

I think people with this third appendage would have to think about more stuff than those with just two. That would probably sharpen their intellects. They’d probably be smarter with bigger brains. People with three arms, if running for President, would be favored over those only with two. You can get more done with three, make a point with your index finger in the air and point at a friend in the audience at the same time, while giving a little grin. The third hand could be stealing someone’s wallet. But nobody would know.

This is nothing against people with two arms, of course. I am not a bigot. I celebrate people with two arms. They just don’t have that third arm. Nothing wrong with that. I’d ban people with three arms from being magicians. No fair is what I’d say.

What got me thinking about all this is something I read about scientists studying genetics having “oh my God” experiences. Until now, it was thought that it takes millions of years for a species to evolve. But now, using genetic modification, they can evolve a species or create a whole new species separate from an earlier one in just a matter of months. Oh my God.

Let’s hear a round of applause for these scientists.

Facebook Comments

Show More

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *