Hamptons Police Blotter: Car Crashes, Police Man Hunt, Boat Rescues, Chocolate Explosions And Theft

The Hamptons saw a big turnout of strange and unusual crime. Old Man McGumbus was at it again, you won’t believe what happened this time, and then there was a serious man hunt by police in Southampton that included a helicopter search and K-9 dogs. Here’s our lowdown on the highlights.

Crash And Run

Police in Southampton are looking for a man who crashed his truck into a tree and then fled the crash on foot. The truck was completely totaled. It rolled over when it hit the tree, which also didn’t make it. A helicopter and K-9 search for the driver took place, but he was not found.

Community Service

A woman involved in an $82 million mortgage-stacking scheme in the Hamptons was sentenced to 840 hours of community service and five years probation.

Always Embarrassing

A man off the coast of Hampton Bays needed to be towed in by the United States Coast Guard after his ability to steer the boat failed. His 37-foot sailboat named “Joy,” may have to be renamed to “Sad.”

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 104 years old and former World War II Chief Engineer of the Department of Insidious And Special Weapons for the U.S. Allies, was hospitalized last week after suffering from minor injuries due to an explosion that took place in his kitchen. McGumbus, the inventor of the exploding candy bar, which was used by the Allies against the Nazis during espionage warfare, accidentally set off one of his own creations during what appeared to have been a late night snack. McGumbus was quoted saying, “Basically, I was hungry, it was about 2 a.m. and I didn’t have my wits about me, and I went into my refrigerator where I keep my candy, and I accidentally opened one of my old Little Betty bombs.” Luckily, the blast from the candy bar bomb wasn’t as strong as it was originally made due to the deterioration of the explosive over time, and the blast only sent McGumbus flying out the window for 200 feet into the middle of the street. McGumbus, a well-known Kentucky Wild Turkey Bourbon drinker, was ignored by many motorists because they thought he was simply passed out on the side of the road. One motorist, who knows McGumbus, stopped because he knew something was wrong. “There is one thing I know about Old Man McGumbus, and that is the fact that if you see him lying on the side of the road without a drink in his hand, something’s wrong.”

McGumbus was easily revived and during the post interview from the incident said, “It will take more than a chocolate bar to take this old bastard out.” He suffered no injuries and was released from the hospital.


An appliance storeowner in Westhampton has been charged with two felonies for allegedly stealing money from his employee’s retirement accounts. He will be arraigned in Hampton Bays.

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