Hamptons Police Blotter: Sex Scandal at The Shelter Island Hospital

Police reports in the Hamptons this week can be summed up in one word, “crazy”. You just will not believe what the Old Man did this week. You just won’t believe it.

Where There’s Smoke
A family in East Hampton woke up in the middle of the night after they smelled smoke and heard crackling sounds. They immediately found a fire on the second floor of their house and started to put it out with a garden hose. The house is for sale for $3.5 million.

A DWI task force was considered a success in Suffolk County and now there will be a new task force created, called the BWI task force. BWI stands for “boating while intoxicated.” It does not stand for burping while intoxicated.

Shelter Island
While waiting inside the Shelter Island Hospital, Old Man McGumbus, 105 years old and former World War II carpet bombing pilot, became very angry as his ex-wife Susie McBisquick for making him wait too long. McBisquick is an administrator at the hospital and has the title of CHAEO, which stands for Chief Hospital Administrative Executive Officer. McGumbus was in the hospital to seek treatment for a rash that he swears has nothing to do with the prostitution scandal that he was arrested for two weeks ago. After he waited more then 15 minutes, he was finally seen by a doctor wearing black-rimmed sunglasses and who appeared to be no more than 28 years old. Instantly McGumbus punched the doctor directly in the jaw, knocking him unconscious, and then began kicking him while calling him a “damn hippie.” He then grabbed a garbage can and begin filling it up with as much medication as he could, which he felt he needed for his rash. His ex-wife attempted to stop him by tackling him to the ground in the middle of the hospital ward and the two began to wrestle, with McBisquick striking the old man several times in the face. For whatever reason, the fight brought back memories for the couple and it aroused them. By the time police arrived they found the couple laying down on the white floor smoking cigarettes, which is illegal on Shelter Island. McGumbus was subsequently arrested while McBisquick was released on her own recognizance. She drove herself back to the hospital, where she is seeking treatment for a rash.

Good Police Work
A man from Texas was beaten up and robbed outside a Southampton bar. Three men chased him, tackled him, beat him up and stole $1,500 in cash from his pocket. Police found the three men and have arrested them.

Several people on the East End reported confusion as to why there still appeared to be a lot of traffic even though it’s as well past Labor Day and summer is over.

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