The Hamptons Subway: Week of June 6 – 12, 2013

Riders this past week: 14.812
Rider miles this past week: 107,840

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Gail Sheehy, author of the aptly named book Passages, aptly for Hamptons Subway anyway, was seen on the subway between Bridgehampton and Sag Harbor. Howard Stern and his wife Beth were holding hands on the subway between Water Mill and Southampton last Thursday morning.

ESCALATORS FIXED
The escalators that went wacko at the Water Mill platform last Wednesday have been fixed. You recall that Wednesday when the mechanics fixed the escalators, late at night when the system was shut down, it turned out they had the down escalator going up and the up escalator going down. They still worked, but you had to think of it as the English system—stay on the left side of the road—and this did confuse many riders for awhile. Fortunately, other riders showed those confused how to use it. Anyway, it’s been fixed as the part came in.

SODA JERKS WANTED
Hamptons Subway will launch its new ice cream luncheon car for the Fourth of July. Applicants must have experience in making malteds, egg creams, banana splits, ice cream cones and hot fudge sundaes. Those chosen as finalists for the two people to be hired will be given a test in serving customers while the train is moving. We’re looking for reflexes and good balance.

BIG DROP AT BEACH STATIONS
The subway spurs which go out to the beaches from the main line in East Hampton (pick it up at Main Street) and in Southampton (pick it up at Monument Square) are open for the physically fit. Erosion over the winter exposed the platforms at the back of the sand dunes at Main Beach and Cooper’s Beach respectively, and the only way up to, or down from, them is by ladder. We hope to have this attended to by July 4 to make it easier for the couch potatoes and elderly. Our carpenter returns from his vacation in Montserrat on Monday.
DELAYS LAST FRIDAY REGRETTED
We regret having to shut down the system last Friday at 2 p.m. for a half hour to try to fix something we found wrong. We never did find out what the problem was. So if it should happen again, whatever it was, it might be necessary for us to shut down the system again.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
Joe Harrison and Bill Wilkindorf from the filing department celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary in the company headquarters cafeteria next Tuesday at 3 p.m. All friends of theirs are welcome. They’ve been married three times in the seven years, each time in a different state as the new laws came in and they’ve moved around from one job to another.

NEW SUPERCAR FAILS TESTS
The new supercar that Hampton Subway took delivery of last week has been undergoing testing in the Montauk Yards. Supposedly a big improvement from our regular cars, stronger engine, faster pickup, more chrome, it has failed tests involving its stability. It tends to fall over on its side when you take it around a turn. We hope to have this worked out with the manufacturer, Shelby Bus and Subway Company, within a few weeks.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I’m of course disappointed in Supercar, for which I designed the specifications myself. It will be a great thing for me when I see it out on the tracks, burning rubber and squealing off down into the tunnels. I know everybody else is waiting breathlessly for this too.