The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of June 20–26, 2014

Week of June 20–26, 2014
Riders this past week: 13,833
Rider miles this past week: 156,872

DOWN IN THE TUBE
The Kardashians, who have their own car at the front of every subway train this summer, were seen everywhere in the subway system. Last Monday afternoon, Kim was on the Southampton platform, Horace was in Montauk heading to Amagansett, Kitty was in Westhampton Beach boarding for Quogue and Pedro was seen getting off a train in Bridgehampton.

RIDERSHIP UP DRAMATICALLY
Ever since the Hamptons Subway was featured on Entertainment Tonight last month as the new hip way to travel, ridership has exploded. And after the various tweets and honks and splats and blats followed, we went through the roof.

ELEPHANTS WALK THE SUBWAY
At 2 a.m. last Wednesday, just as Hamptons Subway was shutting down for the night so the cleaning crew could head out to do its work, six circus elephants appeared coming out of the tunnel into the Westhampton Beach station. Everyone was delighted but also surprised. The handlers said the elephants would be walking the length of the subway to Montauk, which they did, but then it was learned they were supposed to be at the Queens Midtown Tunnel, walking through that from their mustering ground in Queens for their stint at Madison Square Garden. So they had to walk all the way back.

TO WEDDING OR NOT?
We have received many emails from people demanding that the Hamptons Subway stay open during the Fourth of July weekend, instead of closing for some wealthy man’s four-day wedding. Here is one letter, sent to the editor-in-chief of Dan’s Papers, rather than Hamptons Subway, which is where it should have been sent.

Dear Dan,

Some people have to work 4th of July weekend, please keep the Hamptons Subway available July 4th for all of us workers who need to have the swimming pools open, parties going, houses clean.
Sure the system needs some updating, especially the first class seats and the bar car, but the rest of the seats are fine.
Let this unidentified celebrity rent the Ross School buses for the weekend. School is out and the Ross School buses have both men and women’s rest rooms, seats that recline into sleeping bunks and many other amenities.
Dan, you are the only person who can keep this celebrity from creating a commuting nightmare.

Clete Galasso, A hard-working person

After much thought, we have decided to go ahead with this wedding because the subway system rental fee is simply irresistible. Please take alternate means of transportation from Thursday at 5 p.m., when they begin to set up, until 2 a.m. Tuesday, when they leave after which look out you don’t slip on rice on the platforms.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUS
Everyone please join Gus Singleton as he celebrates his 52nd birthday next Wednesday in the company cafeteria of the Hamptons Subway building in Hampton Bays. Gus worked for Hamptons Subway as a flagman for many years, then worked as a cook at the Subway Restaurant kiosks on the Hamptons Subway platforms. He looks terrific since he had his stomach stapled.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
It was well intentioned that we built railings this past February at the edges of all the platforms to keep customers from falling or being pushed in front of ongoing trains. But since the motormen can’t always get it right to stop where the breaks in the railings are so often at many stops where nobody can get on and off, we’ve had to take the railings down. Sorry.

READ MORE HAMPTONS SUBWAY!

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