The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of October 17–23, 2014

Week of October 17–23, 2014
Riders this past week: 28,512
Rider miles this past week: 135,811

DOWN IN THE TUBE
A lot of people from the literary world were seen riding the subway last week. We don’t know why. E.L. Doctorow was seen on Wednesday heading from Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton at 9 a.m. Walter Isaacson was seen heading from East Hampton to Amagansett on Friday at 10 a.m. Susan Isaacs was seen on Saturday going from Southampton to Hampton Bays at 11 a.m., and Roger Rosenblatt was seen on Sunday heading from Water Mill to Bridgehampton at noon. Also seen was Jules Feiffer, carrying his new book, going from Montauk to Amagansett on Monday at 1 p.m. What is it with these people?

SPOOKY RIDE
We hope all passengers enjoy the “spooky ride” that’s been set up for Halloween Eve along the winding two-and-a-half-mile run through the tunnel between North Sea Firehouse Station and the Downtown Noyac Station. If you’re a regular on that line, be aware that the trains will slow to 5 mph as they move amongst all the displays set up with the cobwebs and dungeons and castles and so forth and so on. Allow for a delay of 10 minutes, going both ways. The display comes down after the subway shuts for the night at 2 a.m. and service will be normal in the morning. This is the least we can do for the kiddies. 

RULES FOR HALLOWEEN
Commissioner Aspinall wants us to remind everyone about the rules on the subway for Halloween night. Any candy corn left on the subway becomes the property of the Subway. No one dressed as an angel is allowed through the turnstiles whose wings do not completely fold up to less than two feet. No one is allowed on the subway whose horns are taller than five feet. Queens and Kings must remove their crowns when riding the subway because a sudden stop could cause injury to others. Also, any two people dressed as a horse must detach from each other before going through the subway turnstiles. Horses like that need two tickets.

OUR NEW ENGINES
The lead cars of all our subway trains, all 16 of them, are now retrofitted with 850 horsepower aircraft engines for better performance. Although the engines are set to prevent trains from exceeding the maximum of 42 miles per hour, these new engines will allow the trains to get up to that speed at Mach 2. The motormen are still learning the gear shifting, so if you are knocked about during a ride in the next week or two, just understand. Chalk it up as an interesting experience and an opportunity to meet your neighbor.

ALARM GOES OFF BEFORE YOUR STOP
Now that free WiFi service has been expanded to almost all the subway tunnels and platforms, Tom Heffenhoffer, our software guru, has created a cell-phone alarm system to alert you when your stop is approaching. Before getting on the train, go to hamptonssubway.com, touch ALARM, then SETTINGS, then touch your station dot and you’re all set. Fifteen seconds before you arrive at the station, a loud musical alarm will go off, which is the first 15 seconds of the song “Rock Island Line” by Lonnie Donegan. It will go off not only for you, but also for all others who have set off alarms and are getting off at your stop. So this is still another opportunity to meet new people. By the way, once selected, the alarm will override “mute.”

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Once again, this week, I have nothing new to say, so “carry on!”

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