The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: February 27–March 5, 2015

Week of February 27–March 5, 2015
Riders this past week: 7,412
Rider miles this past week: 87,424

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Julianne Moore, the actress, held court in the last car of a special subway train we sent out the day after she won the Academy Award for Best Actress. Everyone wanted to congratulate her. The special train with her in the back left Water Mill at 1 p.m. and made two complete circuits of the system, stopping at every station, so people could get on, talk to her, then get off at the stop where they got on to continue about their day.

FLAGMAN MISSING
As most people know, the Hamptons Subway is the only subway system in the country that still uses flagmen in the tunnels to tell the trains when to stop and go. It’s red flag for stop and green for go. The flagmen, at this point, are backup for the automated electronic red and green light system, but they’re historic (and unionized) so what the hell. Anyway, last Thursday at 7 a.m. Peter Flaxelar went out to his spot between Mecox and Bridgehampton on the westbound side, and has not been seen since. People didn’t notice he was gone until several motormen noticed the lack of a flagman where there is supposed to be one. A trail of blood drops went from his post to the locked door of a storage room about 50 yards down the way. But he couldn’t have gotten in there. He doesn’t have the key. It’s speculated that after he had done the deed, he’d changed his mind but in his distraught state walked away from the nearest platform, rather than toward it and then died.

This same thing happened last year when Ken Beaverboard, who was the next flagman down, disappeared with the blood drops going to the same storage room. He was never found either. There will be a memorial on the tracks this Sunday at midnight for Peter, and the subway will shut down the third rail for 10 minutes at that time. All are welcome to attend. Champagne will be served. There will also be a prayer for Ken.

By the way, we couldn’t find that storeroom key after Ken’s disappearance and we haven’t been able to find it for Peter yet. If you have it, or know who has it, please let one of the subway personnel people know.

TURNSTILES JAMMED IN HAMPTON BAYS
Three of the five turnstiles in Hampton Bays were jammed for the day on Wednesday when somebody pushed old subway tokens into the slot where you swipe the subway card. Tokens haven’t been used since 1987. But now it turns out these are not old subway tokens but forged old subway tokens. What kind of idiot did this?

FARE INCREASE
The price of a subway ride will go up to $2.75 next Monday from its present price of $2.50, so get as much subway riding in before that as you can. We held off raising the price until we could see how well it would go over in New York City when the MTA increased their price from $2.50 to $2.75. And when no objection of any real consequence occurred after the announcement, we followed suit.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
There have been rumors that with all the snow we’ve had this winter, there’s damage in the dunes at the Coopers Beach stop and the Main Beach stop in Southampton and East Hampton and they may not be opening this summer. The rumors are false.

Read more Hamptons Subway!

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