Local Charities Need Celebrity Nail Clippings and Snot

Gross celeb samples = big cash!
Gross celeb samples = big cash! Photo: Stephen Gibson, IngaNielsen, Ammit, kunertus/Hemera, iStock/Thinkstock

This may seem outrageous, that local charities could benefit from donations of celebrity nail clippings or snot, but under the right circumstances, these items could actually bring them an unprecedented windfall.

For example, late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s old Visa credit card was recently auctioned on Paddle8.com for $26,600, and the winner would have paid another 15 percent on top of that, for a grand total of about $30,600. In case you are wondering, the card is expired.

But that’s not all.

As reported in the January 12 issue of US Weekly, William Shatner’s passed kidney stone sold for $25,000 on GoldenPalace.com to benefit Habitat for Humanity. Likewise, a tissue that Hamptonite Scarlett Johansson’s blew her nose in during a 2008 Tonight Show appearance netted $5,300 for USA Harvest. To be fair, the star pointed out that she caught her cold from Samuel L. Jackson, so the snot had germs from two Hollywood heavyweights—and let’s not forget that Jackson and Johansson are both major players in the Marvel Comics cinematic universe as Avengers Nick Fury and Black Widow, respectively.

Willie Nelson cut his ponytail in 1983, then donated it to pal Waylon Jennings, and it was subsequently sold as part of his estate sale for $37,000. And when Hamptons visitor Lady Gaga lost an embellished acrylic nail during her 2012 Dublin concert—it later fetched $13,000 at auction.

Due to the fact that the East End is home to so many celebrities, we have a great opportunity to gather these types of items. They are not only in demand, but could command a significant amount of cha-ching.

Personally, I would like to see Billy Joel’s toothbrush, a pair of Alec Baldwin’s used exercise socks, Gwyneth Paltrow’s empty ChapStick tube, Jimmy Fallon’s kid’s dirty diaper and many other equally gross celebrity cast-offs donated to charity.

How about some of Bravo exec and host Andy Cohen’s now-famous beagle-foxhound Wacha’s poop? What do you think Matt Lauer‘s used Q-Tip would fetch? Or perhaps Kelly Ripa’s sweaty workout towel? Surely Madonna could spare some fingernail clippings or some boogers. Steven Spielberg, have you an old pair of sandals? The possibilities are endless.

These and other such items could raise big money at auction. So, if you are a celebrity living in the area, please drop off your used Band-Aids, dental floss or ABC gum to the offices of Dan’s Papers, accompanied by an autograph for authenticity. We will see that they make it to a worthy charity.

Please place these items in a sealed container prior to delivery. And keep in mind that certain bidders may try to use your DNA to produce a celebrity clone at some point down the road.

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