The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of April 17–23, 2015

Week of April 17–23, 2015
Riders this past week: 12,845
Rider miles this past week: 102,812

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Author Tom Wolfe rode Hamptons Subway from the Southampton station down to Cooper’s Beach last Saturday, the first day that the summer spur to Cooper’s was open. He said he was just heading down there to look at the waves, as it inspires him. He goes down there every morning he’s in town, but this time, with the Cooper Spur open, by subway. Hillary Clinton was seen taking the summer spur down from East Hampton’s Main Street to Main Beach last Saturday, also on the first day that it opened. She had some sort of campaign button on her lapel.

SUBWAY SYSTEM CLOSED FOR WEDDING
The entire Hamptons Subway will be shut down next Tuesday, April 21, at noon to accommodate a very important wedding party that has leased our facility until 3 p.m. Wednesday. So please make alternate transportation arrangements during those times. We know who the bride and groom will be, because they have jointly signed to lease the Subway, which cost them a great deal, you may be sure, since this is such a disruption to our usual riders. But the agreement also says we can’t tell anyone who the groom is because he is so important, and although we could tell you who the bride is, because she is less important, the groom has asked that we not mention who she is and we will respect that. We hope that does not cause any animosity between bride and groom because the bride does not know of the request by the groom. We can tell you an exceedingly eminent person who lives in the Vatican in Italy will perform the ceremony, if that’s any consolation.

JOINT VENTURE
The State of New York has awarded a contract to build a ferry service between Napeague and Montauk to a new transportation company that is a partnership between Hamptons Subway and the Shelter Island Bridge & Tunnel Authority. The ferry will go into service when the sea level rises enough feet for the Peninsula of Montauk to become the Island of Montauk. People driving from the Hamptons to Montauk will drive their cars onto the ferry at the new Cranberry Hole Road dock in Napeague and will disembark at the Hither Hills State Park’s Walking Dunes dock. The service will run every hour on the hour from east to west and every hour on the half-hour from west to east, so you’ll always be close to a time when a ferry is leaving. Although the State of New York has made a 10 percent deposit on this $1.5 billion service, one half to Hamptons Subway and the other half to the Shelter Island Bridge and Tunnel Society, the actual construction will not begin until the water between the mainland and Montauk is greater than eight feet at low tide, an event not expected until 2086.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
In honor of the fact that Hillary Clinton is a regular on the Hamptons Subway during the summer months when she and her husband what’s-his-name rent a house in East Hampton, we are awarding Hillary a pre-paid Hamptons Subway Metro Card with 100 swipes or free trips on it. She may use them as she sees fit. It is being held for her at the reception desk on the ground floor of the Hamptons Subway building on Poxabogue Avenue in Hampton Bays and all she has to do to get it is show up at our office with the appropriate identification anytime during usual business hours.

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