Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Blotter: Age of Ultron Still a Mystery

Helicopter Plan Causes Stir
Irate citizens and helicopter pilots alike disrupted a planning meeting held to discuss ways of mitigating helicopter noise in Sag Harbor. Police were on hand to preserve order. Of particular concern was Martin O’Dell’s plan to require helicopter pilots to “put on a show” when they’re coming in for a landing at the airport. O’Dell got up to explain his idea: “We all know that there’s no real solution to the noise problem, so I think homeowners should at least get something in return for the aggravation. Why not require the helicopter pilots to perform daredevil stunts as they fly over Sag Harbor, thereby treating the village to a continuous, free airshow?” Among the stunts O’Dell would like to see are backflips, 360-degree rolls and pyrotechnics. While many homeowners seemed supportive of O’Dell’s plan, the pilots were understandably concerned, pointing out that their passengers would likely be made dizzy and motion sick by the maneuvers. Airport officials announced that they would look into the plan.

McGumbus Draws Scrutiny
Investigators revealed Friday that they are looking into the recent activities of Old Man McGumbus, Shelter Island’s 104-year-old WWII veteran and armaments expert. Investigators allege that in response to federal defense exercises planned for Peconic Bay this summer, McGumbus has been agitating online, warning about what he calls a “United States takeover of Shelter Island.” While it is unclear what McGumbus envisions when he speaks of a United States takeover—Shelter Island is, after all, generally thought to be a part of New York State, and there is widespread agreement that New York State is part of the United States, and it follows that Shelter Island is also probably a part of the United States and would thus seem to be immune to takeover by the United States—officials are nonetheless concerned, given McGumbus’s history of armed confrontation with friends and neighbors.

Riot Follows Film Screening
An area movie theater requested police assistance after the first local showing of the film Avengers: Age of Ultron, as angry moviegoers occupied the theater’s lobby and refused to leave. According to police, the customers were demanding refunds on their tickets because of what they felt was deceptive advertising. “They came to Age of Ultron in good faith to find out how old Ultron is, and they allege that the film failed to deliver the promised answer,” said police spokesman Larry Hirsch, who added that police dispersed the crowd. “While we agree moviegoers got a raw deal,” Hirsch explained, “it wasn’t really the theater’s fault.”

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