Pee Wee Partners Heals East End Jellyfish Stings

Pee Wee Partners jellyfish sting spray
Photo: pxlar8, TibiP03, aopsan, lineartestpilot/iStock/Thinkstock

Jellyfish stings can be an ugly business, but the antidote is readily available and within all of us.

As most people know, the unofficial standard field treatment for stings is to urinate directly on the affected area. Unfortunately, it is illegal to expose oneself on any East End beach, so what does one do if you or someone you care about is stung by a jellyfish? Pee Wee Partners has the answer.

Jellyfish skin cells, also known as cnidocytes, are specialized and contain venom that can cause excruciating pain to anyone who comes in direct contact with them. You may remember seeing Monica experience this pain in the Season 4 premiere of the 1990s television show Friends. Monica gets stung while swimming in Montauk—luckily for her, Joey is present and gives her a full bladder of treatment.

And that is how Pee Wee Partners was born. East Enders no longer have to fear jellyfish stings or getting arrested for trying to relieve the pain from them.

Pee Wee Partners is now offering their fresh urine products at more than 70 locations in the Hamptons and North Fork.

All Pee Wee Partners products have been laboratory tested and are now available in hermetically sealed bottles that can be used quickly for beach emergencies. Simply remove the safety seal, reattach the spray nozzle and apply 3-4 sprays, evenly coating the affected area. The pain of a jellyfish sting will be immediately vacated!

“All our pee is pre-tested at our lab in the Hamptons,” Pee Wee Partners president John Nicholson says. “Depending on your budget, we offer various grades of urine,” he continues. “Our basic urine is just $10 per ounce and it will service 2-3 stings. These samples are affordable and are mostly from minimally compensated homeless donors, but they are still proven to be reliable and safe,” Nicholson explains, adding, “Our $50 offerings are from middle-class donors who seek to do good deeds. And for those with discriminating tastes, we also offer celebrity urine at $1,000 per bottle. This month we are featuring special Sting and P. Diddy white label bottles.”

Don’t let jellyfish get in the way of a great Hamptons summer. Before you go to the beach, grab a bottle of Pee Wee Partners Urine. You’ll be glad you did.

Disclaimer: Pee Wee Partners Urine may cause dry mouth, shortness of breath, swelling of the tongue, nausea and excessive sweating. If you are taking medication for high blood pressure do not use Pee Wee Partners Products. Contact your physician if a rash lasts for more than 24 hours following use of this product. Pee Wee products is approved for use on adults only.

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