Hamptons Subway Newsletter: August 29–September 5, 2015

Donald Trump has big plans for the Hamptons Subway
Donald Trump has big plans for the Hamptons Subway, Photo: David Becker, LittleNY/Getty Images Entertainment, iStock/Thinkstock

Week of August 29–September 5, 2015
Riders this past week: 27,813
Rider miles this past week: 214,887

Seen down in the tube this week were Eric and Bobbie Cohen in Sag Harbor, Marty and Judy Shepherd in Noyac, Stuart and Mary Vorpahl at Three Mile Harbor and Amy Zerner and Monte Farber in Bridgehampton. These are all friends of the Commissioner and he told me these people have to be mentioned riding the subway even if they haven’t been riding it because he promised he would mention them before the summer is out. There. Now I did it. And I don’t care if he fires me. I guess it would be okay to say we also saw Steven Spielberg getting on the subway at the Georgica stop on Thursday, heading westbound toward Sagaponack. That, we really did.

There is no liquor allowed to be brought onto the subway system, and last Wednesday the subway police detained a man carrying a bottle of red wine onto a car at the Westhampton Beach station. He said he was on his way to do something to a baby boy in Quiogue in an hour and it involved giving the baby a little of the red wine to distract him while he did it. It’s some sort of religious ceremony. The police were baffled at first, but called into headquarters to find out what to do and after some discussion they let this man go, although they agreed to keep an eye on him.

Hampton Subway is appealing to the general public to volunteer on all the platforms during the Labor Day Weekend to help out the “Pushers Crew” in shoving the crowds of customers onto the trains from all the platforms. The Pushers Crew consists of strong college kids, both boys and girls, who work all summer on the platforms while wearing chest protectors, helmets and boxing gloves to keep things moving. Nearly half have gone back to college this week though. So if you go down to a platform on Labor Day Weekend and you see someone dressed like this doing this, stop for a minute or two and lend a hand. Thank you.

Last Wednesday night, as they have done the Wednesday before Labor Day every year, all the horses who participate in the Hampton Classic Horse Show in Bridgehampton were led off the big vans at our Westhampton stop, taken down to the platform there at 2 a.m. when the subway service closes for the night and then sent on their way to trot along through the subway tunnel to Bridgehampton. It’s a ritual similar to the one in New York City where the circus animals take the East River Tunnel into Manhattan and Madison Square Garden the night before the big Barnum and Bailey Show there, but it’s not as well-attended. With the circus, it’s lions and tigers and elephants and horses, but with the horse show it’s just horses, and after a while people get tired of seeing horses one after another, especially in the middle of the night.

My wife and I were visited this weekend by our friend Donald Trump and his current wife who really is much younger than he is, although that really doesn’t matter. Mr. Trump has big plans for Hamptons Subway once he gets to the White House. He envisions long tunnels connecting Palm Beach, Palm Springs, the Hamptons, and through a long underwater tunnel, Newport. He thinks he could get the Illegals to build it for free in exchange for letting them stay here in America a few more days until they finish up.


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