The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: December 24–31, 2015

Week of December 24–31, 2015
Riders this past week: 10,422
Rider miles this past week: 117,813

DOWN IN THE TUBE
A car full of elves was seen traveling on the subway between East Hampton and Bridgehampton last Friday night at about 11 p.m. Another subway train had one reindeer in each of the eight cars after the woman at the token booth said that they could only travel one to a car. This was at 10 p.m., Sag Harbor to North Haven.

PRESENTS TIME
The annual Christmas Breakfast for Hamptons Subway employees was held in the cafeteria on the fourth floor of the Hamptons Subway building in Hampton Bays on Wednesday, two days before Christmas, at 7 a.m., when most of the day shifts begin. Everyone had been randomly given the name of another employee to give a present to, whether they liked it or not. The staff, after the exchange, went off to work for the day, leaving all the presents there all day under the little tree in the corner, and then came back at the end of the shift to pick them up. Some are still there. Please pick them up, everybody.

TRUMP DELAY
When the word went out that Donald Trump had been seen headed from Southampton to Water Mill Tuesday, everyone rushed down to take a train in the hopes of seeing him, but nobody actually did. He may not have actually been on a Hamptons Subway train. But it caused a half-hour circuit-wide delay anyway. He is so popular. We regret the delay. But it was unavoidable.

UBER SUBWAY CAR DRIVER ARRESTED
A man who said he was working for Uber was arrested last Saturday for stealing a subway car out of the Montauk Yards at 6 a.m. that day and having it available for Uber fans to contact him online to take them back and forth to Christmas parties or whatever on our tracks. We realized someone was out there around noon that day when several subway trains had to swerve to avoid him, but he was unable to be corralled until 11 p.m., when he was taking a crowd of partygoers leaving a private Christmas party on Meadow Lane and two brave Subway Policemen, at risk of both life and limb, stood on the tracks both in front of and behind his car. One partygoer, when escorted away from the arrest (halfway between the Comsequogue Station and the Jobs Lane Station), asked, “Why are you DOING this?” We told her.

THE WINNER
Eddie James Haskins, age 6, of Westhampton Beach won the “Count the Subway Cars” competition Hamptons Subway holds every year and therefore got to ride in the motorman’s booth in the front of the train along with Santa Claus. He also got to steer for most of it. At the end of the day after he got off and was presented with a gift-wrapped birthday present by someone dressed as Subway Commissioner Bill Aspinall, Eddie asked was this REALLY Santa Claus and was told it was until the motorman, before anyone could stop him, pulled off his fake beard and said he wasn’t— to which Eddie replied “well you sure fooled me.” Santa Claus was actually Francine Owl, the senior person in our Motorman Department.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I just wish I could be with you all this holiday season, but I am away in Botswana on safari. We have seen rhinoceroses, buffalo, giraffes, lions and leopards. At breakfast today there were tree monkeys and we were told not to feed them when they approached. If we did and they came again and we didn’t, they’d bite us.

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