The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of March 24–30, 2016

Week of March 24–30, 2016
Riders this past week: 8,423
Rider miles this past week: 98,889

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Again people thought Donald Trump would be seen on the subway, and again he didn’t show. We did get Leonardo DiCaprio on Wednesday afternoon carrying groceries on a subway heading from Bridgehampton to Water Mill, though. So that was something. And we did get P Diddy traveling on the subway with a friend on Saturday afternoon, riding between East Hampton and Amagansett.

NEW HEALTH PLAN
Hamptons Subway employees are getting a new health insurance plan on April 1, where the rates are the same as the old plan but the deductibles equal the cost of the procedures, visits and hospital stays. And why not? People who need more medical service should have to pay more than those who don’t. It’s only fair.

BRICK THROUGH A WINDOW
Somebody threw a brick through a ground-floor window of the Hamptons Subway building last Tuesday night. There was a note attached. But the brick went through the window into a bucket of water in the slop sink of one of the janitor’s closet and the ink ran so we cannot read it. Thus this appeal to readers.

TRAIN JUMPING
Once again teenagers have started up the daredevil practice of train jumping, the act of going out the window of a local train and struggling in the window of an express train as it passes. People get hurt this way. Twenty years ago, when this last was a fad, two teenagers got hurt doing this. Well, they never learn. Hey guys, it’s been done before.

SUBWAY TOURS
Hamptons Subway is starting up its summer “subway tour” program on April 1. Every Saturday morning at 10 a.m., our tour leaders take out tourists in groups of 30 to board the subway at Amagansett and as they pass under every town along the way, tell them of the history of these places they are passing under. The tour ends at the Westhampton Beach station. In most instances the train slows down as it passes under, but where the history is longer and more interesting, such as Sag Harbor or Bridgehampton, the train will stop in the station and just sit there without moving until the guide is finished. Tours are free to all (they pay to go through the turnstiles), and most of the tourists are non-English speaking people from foreign countries such as Zambia or Iceland or Fiji where they don’t have subways.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
At least once a year for the last five years, a young man with a fixation on Hamptons Subway has entered the Montauk Yards where the trains are stored during the night, and driven a train westward as far as he could before the authorities could catch him. His name is Harry Barnes and now 22 years old he should know better. And so, today, he is serving 60 days in the Riverhead County Jail for stealing Hamptons Subway trains. We hope he has learned his lesson. But maybe not. Bill “Sliding Doors” Harrison last week sold the rights to the story of his nefarious activities to a major motion picture studio, even from jail. Quite a feat. The deal is for a quarter million dollars and Hamptons Subway Inc. has now filed suit against Harrison and the Skylight Studios for the full amount, claiming they violate the laws that say a man who is convicted of a felony cannot reap the rewards that come about because of that felony. Lawyers for Harrison have countered that he did no stealing. No train ever left the tracks.

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