Police Blotter

Un-Rotary Club Challenges Hamptons Traffic Circles

A group calling itself the Un-Rotary Club has petitioned local officials to allow its members to be exempt from following traffic rules at rotaries in the Hamptons and around the South Fork of Long Island.

“The members of our group are certifiably challenged by rotaries,” explains Un-Rotary Club spokesman Marvin Rouse. “When we approach them in our vehicles, we have trouble figuring out how to respond: should we go left or right? Once in the rotary do we need to stop and let others in? It’s confusing to us.”

Additionally, Rouse says, many members of his group find themselves reacting with an involuntary hostility when they have to slow down slightly and turn their steering wheel to successfully navigate the rotary.

“As a symptom of this rage reaction, we frequently find ourselves ignoring the rotary altogether and just driving straight through it. We don’t have any control over this.”

Hamptons Police Department traffic officers have been thrown for a loop by the behavior, but some argue that allowing the exemption would be equally troublesome.

Officials are taking the club’s petition under serious consideration, and will make a ruling shortly.

In related news, the local Rotary Club has sent the Un-Rotary club a cease and desist letter urging the new group to stop using their well established name. Further, Rotary members are investigating the possibility of a lawsuit. “We’re hoping the letter does the trick,” one club member said, “but we will take other actions if pushed.”

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