Every year the weekly DansPapers.com Hamptons Police Blotter offers some of the wildest tales we publish, and 2016 was no different. The local boys in blue got up to all kinds of hijinks over the last 12 months. Here, we present our most read Hampton Police Blotter items from 2016.
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10. 10 Tons of Dog Poop to Be Removed from Hamptons Beaches
Earlier this month, the Hamptons Police Blotter revealed that a joint effort, the Hamptons Police Department, Hamptons Sanitation Commission and Hamptons Municipal Board is seeking to remove 10 tons of dog poop from local beaches before next summer. The trilateral agreement was signed after an environmental report found irresponsible dog owners had left some 15 tons of canine excrement on beaches between Montauk and Westhampton. While not initially visible, the report explains that the feces had begun to form a new sedimentary layer just beneath area beaches’ sandy surface. The project is now underway.
9. Hamptons Police Bust Dried Meats Nightclub on Shelter Island
In October, Hamptons Police Department officers on Shelter Island discovered and shut down an illegal nightclub that had been operating in a disused barn for the past year. According to police, the nightclub was called “Mickey G’s,” and it had been on their radar for quite some time. Initially police suspected the space was being used as an unlicensed meat processing facility, and they weren’t completely wrong. Undercover officers found the ground floor the barn had been converted to a dance club, while the top floor featured a facility set up for drying meats. “Large quantities of unidentified animal parts were strung up to the ceiling, evidently to provide fresh jerky to serve at the bar. The smell was…not pleasant,” one officer explained. The proprietor, one Mr. John McGumbus, was suspected to be Shelter Island’s famed Old Man McGumbus.
8. Hamptons Officials May Dye Peconic Bay Orange
In February of 2016, Hamptons officials and police revealed a plan to possibly dye Peconic Bay orange in order to warn motorists of approaching water. “At certain times of day and night, the water is the same color as the road surface, and that’s dangerous,” noted concerned citizen Randy Pfluger. “In some locations, if the water is calm, there’s really nothing to indicate that you’re actually leaving the roadway and entering the water.” This complicated plan was later scrapped for a slightly more practical idea: paint the roads green.
7. Hamptons Militia Leader: This Bathroom Will Remain Occupied
Just as the new year began in January, the Hamptons Police Department has entered into a standoff with militiamen occupying a public restroom in Beach Hampton. As many as 15 armed militants took over the bathroom at Dunehampton Beach and vowed to stay there “for as long as it takes.” A sign now hangs from the door that reads “Occupied.” The militia took issue with the bathroom closing during the offseason.
6. Arrested Montauk Locals Say Police Destroying Way of Life
Because of the previous summer’s out-of-control partying in the hamlet, it was decided, with enthusiastic support from residents, that the Hamptons Police Department would step up enforcement, but they went a bit too far during a pre-Memorial Day “dry run.” Some 60 officers stationed in Montauk began enforcing laws against the locals and found “a really shocking level of lawlessness among the people out there.” Police issued some 236 summonses over the course of the weekend, and arrested 17 individuals, leaving year round residents feeling tricked. “The idea was to keep the weekenders out, but now they’re trying to destroy our way of life,” one local said.
5. Hamptons Police Submarine Unit Arrests Kiteboard Daredevil
The Hamptons Police Department Submarine Unit (HPDSU) made its first arrest of 2016 well ahead of schedule in mid-May after a gutsy kiteboarder attempted to jump over its deck during a pre-summer training and practice trip. “This kiteboarder must have been watching us for some time, tracking our movements and schedule, because he knew exactly where and when to make his jump,” police said at the time, explaining that the daredevil wore a helmet cam and had friends filming from a nearby boat. “He clearly wanted to make himself some sort of YouTube video star, but that won’t be happening,” police added. “We’ve confiscated all the recordings, and they’ll never see the light of day.”
4. Hamptons Police Deport Cash Poor Visitors and Residents
In January of this year, the Hamptons Police Department stepped up enforcement of both the Hamptons ID law and the Stipulated Funding Requirement law and began rounding up noncompliant individuals and sending them back across the Shinnecock Canal. For those ignorant of the laws, the Hamptons ID law requires that residents of the Hamptons (understood as all points east of the canal) carry photo identification identifying themselves as such, and the Stipulated Funding Requirement law mandates that every man, woman and child visiting the Hamptons should have at least $300 in cash on his or her person at all times. While the majority of those arrested were visitors with inadequate cash flow, there were at least 72 noncompliants who were residents of the Hamptons who had yet to apply for the Hamptons ID to prove their legal status.
3. Hamptons Police Report Phone-less Man in Sag Harbor
Back in September, a Hamptons Police Department officer reported a Sag Harbor man exhibiting suspicious behavior. The man was walking by himself on Hampton Street in the direction of the village, eventually walking down Main Street in the direction of the Long Wharf. The mysterious man didn’t appear to be in communication with anyone, nor was he observed to make an effort to communicate with anyone. “At no time during this extended, five-minute period that our officer was observing him did the man pull a phone out of his pocket to look at it,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch said at the time, revealing a smartphone video the officer filmed of the man. “He was not wearing a blue-tooth device on his head and talking into it. In fact, he didn’t seem to even have a phone on him. And worse yet, he seemed happy about it.”
2. Police Arrest Three for Breaking Casual Friday Laws in Sag Harbor
The Hamptons Police Department apprehended three suspects in Sag Harbor on a Friday in July and charged them with excessive formality in their mode of dress under the village’s Casual Fridays statute. The trio was first spotted in plain view walking on Washington Street. “These guys were dressed to the nines,” police said. “Dress shirts, ties, pressed slacks, loafers and even blazers. It looked like they stepped out of a Brooks Brothers catalog.” The men were contrite over their sartorial crimes and pleaded guilty.
1. Hamptons Police Make Arrest for Shinnecock Canal Fish Kill
In November, our biggest story of the year—site-wide—recounted the Hamptons Police Department arrest of noted menhaden slayer Reb Raymer in connection with a massive, international-newsworthy bunker fish kill in Shinnecock Canal. Raymer claimed responsibility for similar fish kills in the Peconic River back in June and July of 2015. At the time, Raymer said, “First I started picking them off with my 30 ought six, but those buggers kept comin’, so when I ran out of shells I went after ‘em with my fishing knife. And when the knife slipped and I dropped it into the river, I went to work with my bare hands.” It seems the suspect, who remained mum about this fish kill, blamed menhaden for the death of his father. Police believed his longstanding vendetta was the motive for this crime, though they struggled to find a law he’d actually broken for allegedly killing thousands of bait fish. More than a month after the crime, they’re still seeking justice for the families of the slain bunker.