Police Blotter

Old Man McGumbus Heads to Washington?

Shelter Island went on lockdown on January 21 as scores of tall, muscular men dressed in black suits and wearing dark sunglasses cordoned off swaths of the tiny island, stationing armed guards and snipers in strategic locations. A helicopter was heard to pass overhead, and eyewitnesses report that the low-flying chopper was painted in the national colors.

While it hasn’t been confirmed, several sources indicate that the helicopter touched down on the beach where Old Man McGumbus has been living in his bunker under the sand and that a familiar looking man with orange hair was seen to exit the helicopter.

Sources go on to claim that the man was lowered down into McGumbus’s sealed bunker and stayed there for several hours while armed guards patrolled the surrounding dunes. Finally, the man reemerged accompanied by Old Man McGumbus and together the two boarded the helicopter and flew off.

Shortly thereafter, the Shelter Island lockdown was lifted.

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