South O’ the Highway

Everybody Calm Down: Howard Stern Explains Mystery Absence

Everyone relax! Howard Stern is fine and not going anywhere.

When the East Ender and SiriusXM host unexpectedly took a personal day last Wednesday from his radio show, rumors and conspiracy theories flooded the internet. Was he having marital problems? Was he fired from SiriusXM? Did he quit? Was he abducted by aliens?

The truth, thankfully, is much more mundane: Stern had the flu. “There was a lot of speculation. ‘Where was I on Wednesday?’ Many people pointed out that me taking a ‘personal day,’ by the way, I never said ‘personal day,’” Stern said on his show Monday morning. “I didn’t take a personal day. I took a sick day and I’m still sick, you can still hear it in my voice.”

Wife Beth is actually responsible for the “personal day” fiasco. “Everything is great,” she told the New York Post. “He’s coming back on Monday. He had to take a personal day, that’s all.”

Stern was a bit perturbed by the tizzy his sick day caused. “Why was it such a big deal that I took a f-ing day off?” he asked. “I wanted to take off today because my voice is still shot, but I was afraid to. I felt so so f-ing guilty. I missed a day of work and all of a sudden it’s bigger news than James Comey.” Stern said that people actually started calling his mother’s house. “If I miss a day of work, you don’t call my mother, you call my wife. I’m married.”

Angry Stern aside, we’re glad to hear his absence was nothing big. Get well soon, Stern!

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