The Trump Tapes continue…
May 15, 3:42 p.m.
– So here we are, 100 days. You’ve completed 100 days as President of the United States.
– I’m just getting started, Steve.
– Ha ha ha.
– But there’s one thing I don’t understand.
– What is that?
– The Supreme Court. It’s been 100 days. And nobody new has died.
– You’d think that with 100 days gone by, one of them might die. Even two. They’re all old. They know the score. They need to get with the program.
– I’m sure some of them will.
– Well, what’s holding them up? I need to leave my mark. They need to hurry up and die. Maybe there’s some way we can help them along.
– You mean the liberal ones.
– Of course. They are the enemy.
– Your friend Vladimir. What he does with the enemy is poison them. If you did that…
– I’m not saying I would do that.
– If you would do that, it would help them along.
– It most certainly would. Look. I’m not going to call Vladimir. If you want to call Vladimir, I don’t want to know anything about it.
– How would he even know which ones were the liberals and which ones were the conservatives?
– Somebody could tell him. Draw him a picture. Show him how they vote. Translate their names into Russian. But like I said, I wouldn’t want to know anything about it. So don’t do it. And don’t tell me. Just tell me when its over.
– So are you giving me an order?
– No, I said, dammit, I’m not going to do this. What are you, crazy?
May 22, 11:45 a.m.
– You guys are supposed to tell me these things!!
– Stop yelling, sir.
– How the hell am I supposed to know that the FBI does whatever it wants! It reports to the President, does it not?
– The director does, sir.
– Then why, when I tell them what they are supposed to do, do they not do it? I told them to stop this witch hunt with the Russians. I told Comey. I told him three times. How dare these people disobey me?
– Stop pacing around, sir.
– General, I’ll pace around if I want. There’s no law against that, is there?
– No sir.
– And these top secrets that I shared with the Russians—how am I supposed to know that there’s a law against that?
– It’s not a law, sir. It’s procedure. You tell the Russians, the Russians tell the Syrians, the Syrians bomb the Israelis. It’s a procedure that saves lives.
– It makes perfect sense. But why don’t you tell me these things before I do them?
– I think you were told, sir.
– Bull crap!! And these judges? These so-called judges. I can’t criticize them? I can’t suggest they be taken down?
– It’s in the Constitution. It’s the checks and balances of the three branches of government.
– I’m a businessman. I know checks and balances.
– Yes you do, sir. But this is history. Surely you know our history.
– Bull crap.
– Who was the first President of the United States?
– Are you making fun of me? Get out! All of you!
(Sound of chairs moving back, slamming of doors. A telephone is picked up.)
– Get me the band. I don’t care. The Marine band. Whatever. You the head of the band? I want to know, how do I get you to stop playing “Hail to the Chief?” I hear it 20 times a day. Dum da da Dum da da dum de dum de dum dum. Every time I come into a room. I’m sick of it. I don’t want to hear it anymore. “Anchors Aweigh?” I don’t want to hear “Anchors Aweigh” anymore, either! Don’t you get it?
(Sound of telephone being slammed down)